1. YOU ARE NOT CRAZY.

Yes you have half the attention span and double the mood swings of everyone else you know – but these are both simply quirks of your personality that you’ll learn to manage with time. It’s also a product of being surrounded by people who perceive the world using an entirely different set of cognitive functions than you do – once you start meeting likeminded people and working at something you love, your moods will even out and your attention span will magically spring into existence. Funny how that works!

2. There are other people out there who feel things as strongly as you do.

The intense passion that you bring to everything you love is not unique to you. There are millions of people out there who experience the world with all of the depth, intensity and passion that you do. It’s just that very few of them live in your hometown. Don’t worry! You’re not alone!

3. The things you perceive to be your weaknesses will end up being your greatest strengths.

Your stubbornness, your restlessness and your tendency toward over-analysis are going to take you further in life than you could ever imagine. There is no sense in trying to tone down who you are. Be the strange, emotional, fiercely independent person that you are and learn from every waking second of it.

4. You’re not going to be this indecisive forever.

Your main function is a perceptive function, which means that in your younger years you’re going to just want to EXPLORE. DISCOVER. ADVENTURE. And you’re never going to want it to stop.

As you grow up, your decision-making functions (introverted feeling and extroverted thinking) are going to mature and suddenly you’re going to be this person who is capable of making decisions (I know. What?!). It’s going to be awesome. Until then, just enjoy the chaos. It’s a lot less stressful when you realize it’s not going to last forever.

5. To attract people who are like you, you have to act like you.

There are so many other intuitives out there who think along the same lines as you do – but you’re never going to meet them if you’re spending all your time trying to act like something you’re not to fit in with the sensors. Be your loud, speculative, adventurous self – that’s precisely how you’re going to attract the people you want to be around.

6. Ignore every person who ever tells you “You can’t.”

What they really mean is “I can’t.” You’re an ENFP. Everything you want in life, you’re going to make sure you get, because you don’t mind going the extra mile. And you’ll be surprised at how under-crowded that extra mile is.

7. University is not the only way to get an education, nor is it the sole measure of intelligence.

When you do go to school, you’ll learn more from late-night talks with your classmates than you will in any lecture hall. You learn through doing, through debating, through experiencing and through reflecting. So don’t stress too much about memorizing the textbook – your ability to think on your feet is going to take you much further than your GPA ever will.

8. You don’t know as much about other people as you think you do.

You are quick to jump to conclusions about others and it’s going to get you into hot water more than once. Remember that introverted feeling is based on your own experiences – and those don’t always relate to others’ experiences. Listen a little more, assume a little less. You have infinitely more to learn from other people than you think you do.

9. Do more of what you love and less of what you think you should do.

Disinterest is your kryptonite. You are 100% guaranteed to be bad at anything you try to do that doesn’t interest you and the easy solution to this is to simply not do it. You CAN make a career out of traveling, out of freelancing; out of whatever passion you happen to be invested in. You’re just going to have to think outside the box to get there –luckily, that is your strong suit.

10. So many things about yourself are going to change but the core things never will.

90% of your interests are fleeting – and that’s okay! It’s good to know a little bit about a lot of things. The 10% of your interests that aren’t fleeting are pervasive as hell – and you already know what those are. Stay true to your morals, true to your passions, true to your inclinations and true to yourself. You already know who you are. Now it’s just a matter of what you’re going to do about it.

Sure, it’s not that easy to get the things you want the most. There’s so much time, money, and hard work to invest in the process of getting the things you most desire. But hear me out.

I was 18 years old when I learned about the law of attraction and manifesting, thanks to Leeor Alexandra and her videos about manifestation and the law of attraction.

I did what she told me to do: I journaled, I wrote down my goals, I wrote letters to my future self, I did the 2 cup method, and meditated…a lot. And let me tell you, this works.

I don’t want say that you’ll be entirely happy with the way your life turns out, but if you take the time for yourself and work on your goals, you could potentially find some contentment with life. You just have to do something about it. If you need some motivation and inspiration, I am here to help…with Leeor. Tag team!

1. Write a letter to your future self.

Get yourself in a comfortable position. Maybe you’re wearing pajamas, in bed. Maybe there’s also a candle burning and your favorite song playing. Meditate a little – breathe in, breathe out. It is so important to get yourself feeling comfortable and good because your vibrations will be at their highest. Then, find a piece of paper and a pen (or a laptop or tablet, whichever you prefer!) and start writing.

Write the date as one year into the future – so if it’s March 19th 2019, write it as March 19th 2020. Then, start writing.

Write, as your future self addressing your past self (which, is really your present self) and talk about everything you have and everything you’re grateful for. 

I’ve done this once before, and it’s honestly scary how much has come true. At the beginning of 2018, I wrote that I wanted to be a writer in New York City, living in my dream apartment, and in a happy, healthy relationship with someone who respects me, loves me, and understands my love language. Now, in 2019, I’m a writer in New York City, living in my dream apartment, and in a happy relationship with myself…and still waiting for my dream man. Though not everything is true (yet!), it still happened for me. It works. 

2. Rewrite your limiting beliefs.

Limiting beliefs are statements that we have decided are factual, based on what we’ve been programed to believe: from media, our childhood, etc. It dictates our behavior and how we manifest (or don’t manifest) the things in our life.

First and foremost: sit down with yourself and be a bit introspective. What are your beliefs? Is money too hard to obtain? Do you believe that you’re not going to find love because you’re not good enough?

Write down your limiting beliefs and change your relationship with these beliefs. 

In other words, rewrite them. Write down the beliefs: money is easy to get, I am loved and I am good enough and I am capable of finding love.

I’ve done this many times before, because this is something that I struggle with (I doubt myself a lot and I question whether or not I’m good enough for love) and it’s slowly becoming an easier thing for me to do. I write: “I am so happy and grateful now that…” and write down my beliefs. For example: “I am so happy and grateful now that money is flowing in and that I am so desirable and so deserving of love.”

I am so happy and grateful, I am so happy and grateful, I am so happy and grateful…

3. The Two Cup Method.

Get two cups and a couple of sticky notes. The cup on the left is your current reality and the cup on your right is your desired reality.

With a sticky note, write down whatever is making you feel so low. For example, “I feel undesired and unloved and that’s probably why I’m single,” or “I don’t have an income,” or “I’m not able to travel for reasons x,y,z,” – and place it on the cup on the left. Then, fill the cup on the left with water.

With another sticky note, write down what you want, in relation to whatever is on the left. For example, write down “I am desired and loved and in a happy, healthy relationship,” or “I have a steady income!” or “I’m traveling so much!”

Sit with these cups in front of you. Think about how the reality on the left side makes you feel. Think about how you’ll feel when the reality on the right side manifests itself. Amazing, right!? 

Pour the water from the left cup into the right cup. Think about those good feelings. Then, drink the water from the right cup.

Writing down your goals will make your dreams a reality, but you have to have faith in that.

Believe me, I know how hard that it is. I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression and I know how it can make you feel unmotivated and undeserving of the things you want. For me, that’s what made me want to keep going. I wanted something better for myself and I worked towards making that happen, despite all the negative feelings and thoughts I fought against.

You have to visualize what you want. You have believe you’re deserving of it. You have to have faith in that these good things will happen for you.

Remember: your thoughts become things.

Personality assessments like the ‘Cube Personality Test’ are a fun way to guide your mind and reflect upon what your truest wishes are.

What is a Personality Test?

Personality tests were created to help psychologically categorize one’s personality traits, behaviors, and motivations. The purpose behind these categorizations is to showcase how one perceives the world and cares to interact with it.

There are two common types of personality tests:

• Objective Tests: Tests such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) or The Love Language Quiz are objective as they rely on self-indicated answers.
• Projective Tests: Tests such as the Rorschach Inkblot Test (or the Cube Personality Assessment you’re about to read more on), are projective because their reflections and answers are based on unconscious thoughts.

It’s important to note that personality tests are psychological tools and are often more reflective guides and practices rather than anything prescriptive.

What is the Cube Personality Test?

The Cube Personality Test is a projective visualization test that was created in the late 90s by author Isamu Saito and psychologist Tadahiko Nagao. This test was originally written about in the Kokology book series that coincided with a Japanese philosophical movement at the time. The Kokology cultural movement is linked to the procurement of various psychological visualizations that help people unlock profound insights about themselves— their fears, their goals, their relationships, etc.

Later on, international writer Annie Gottlieb brought certain visualizations, such as the Cube Personality Test, to Western audiences through her book Secrets of the Cube.

The Cube Personality Test leads its test taker to imagine a series of objects and hone in on the specific qualities of the objects they imagine. After their visualizations end, they are led to an answer key that helps them to evaluate their projections and unlock deeper truths about their inner worlds.

Begin: Cube Personality Test

Before you begin, it’s important to mention that this test has no right or wrong answers. Please interpret the prompts as you see fit and let your imagination wander.

Step 1:

In order to begin, close your eyes and picture you’re in a vast, open desert. Then, walk yourself through a series of objects, each appearing one after another:

• Cube
• Ladder
• Horse
• Storm
• Flowers

Step 2:

Now close your eyes again and evaluate the objects’ details more critically. Note your observations on the following questions:

• Cube: How big is it? What is it made of? Where is it located in the field? Is it transparent? Is the cube on the ground or is it in the air, floating?
• Ladder: How tall is the ladder? What is it made of? Where is the ladder in relation to the cube (nearby, far away, etc.)?
• Horse: What color is the horse? What is the horse doing in the desert? Where is the horse in relation to the cube?
• Storm: What does the storm look like? Is the storm going to last a while or just pass over? Where is the storm in relation to the cube?
• Flowers: What color are the flowers? How many flowers are there? What kind of flowers are they? Where are they located in the desert and in relation to your cube?

Step 3:

After noting your observations to the questions above, walk yourself through the answer key below. Reflect on what each object symbolizes and what your visualization of them signifies for your unique personality.

Answer Key: Cube Personality Test

Cube

The cube you visualized represents yourself— your ego, sense of identity, and current self-perception.

• Size: Represents your confidence and presence in the world (think large cube = boisterous, confident, loud, whereas small cube = soft spoken, introverted, shy).
• Material & Transparency: Represents your emotional availability and openness (think steel cube = guarded and harder to reach, whereas glass cube = vulnerable and open). Also, how solid the cube seems can reflect your security in yourself.
• Color: Represents your emotional tone (think optimism vs pessimism, etc.)
• Position: Represents your inclination towards practicality or spontaneity/creativity (think cube on ground = logical and practical, whereas cube in air = creative spirit, more free-flowing).

Ladder

The ladder you visualized represents your dreams and goals, along with how you plan to achieve them.

• Height: Represents the reach of your goals. Meaning a long ladder could signify high aspirations and lofty dreams, while a short one signifies more modest and accomplishable goals.
• Material: Represents your emotional tone in relation to your goals. Meaning a metal ladder could represent one who is determined beyond doubt to fulfill their dreams, whereas a wooden, rickety ladder could represent one who is more flexible with their aspirations or uncertain of their path.
• Location: Represents your ability to ask for help. If the ladder is leaning on or close to the cube, this signifies wanting to achieve your goals on your own, while a ladder far from the cube signifies your willingness to get a helping hand from others to achieve your dreams.
• Rungs: Broken or missing rungs can represent that you perceive obstacles along the path to pursuing and achieving your dreams.

Horse

The horse you visualized represents your emotional desires and relationships (often romantic ones).

• Color & Appearance: Represents your emotional nature in relationships and your openness to monogamy. A ‘color’ example could be a white horse being more calm in relationships, whereas a black horse being more mysterious. An ‘appearance’ example could be a bucking bronco representing someone who doesn’t care for monogamy and currently wants to roam free, while a gentle horse nibbling grass reflects one who is open to a relationship.
• Activity: Represents your level of independence, e.g., a galloping horse indicates someone who isn’t afraid to run free and be self-motivated. Meanwhile, a horse that is saddled and still can showcase one who is more dependent on their loved ones, or may even be emotionally stagnant.
• Location: Represents how important relationships are in your life. If the horse is close to the cube, relationships are central. If the horse is distant from the cube, relationships feel secondary or even hypothetically frightening to enter into.

It’s important that the horse can be interpreted in multiple ways. Meaning, it represents your romantic interests and relationships, but also how you care to give and receive love.

Storm

The storm you visualized represents your fears (internal conflicts) and struggles (external challenges).

• Appearance: Represents the depth of your fears. The more threatening the storm appears, the deeper-rooted your fears are, whereas a light rainstorm may indicate occasional passing worries or concerns. If you see a rainbow, this indicates hope for the future and emotional recovery.
• Duration: Represents the level of emotional turmoil you’re in. The longer the storm is projected to last, the deeper the turmoil feels. Meaning if it’s a quick shower, your stress and fear are fleeting emotions, whereas if the storm is long-lasting and heavy, your stress and fear are more consistent and far-reaching.
• Location: Represents how proximal you are to the turmoil in your life. If the storm is far away, you may recognize certain stressors or fears, but are not presently experiencing them. If the storm is over you, you may be currently in the weeds of some emotional distress.

Flowers

The flowers you visualized represent where you find joy and connection in your life.

• Appearance: The color and type of flower represent your emotional nature when it comes to connection. Vibrant flowers often symbolize extrovertedness and openness to friendship, whereas thorny or wilted flowers may signal that your walls are up. The health of the flowers and their coloring may also signify how nurtured you feel by the relationships in your life.
• Quantity: The amount of flowers you see represents how large you like your social circle to be. The larger the field of flowers, the more people you enjoy connecting with; meanwhile, one flower or a small patch of flowers indicates you enjoy a more intimate circle of friends.
• Location: Where the flowers are in relation to the cube represents your natural inclination toward introvertedness or extrovertedness to feel restoration and joy in your life. Meaning, if the flowers are close to the cube, your social circle is important to keeping your vitality and happiness up; you’re more extroverted. If the flowers are far from the cube, you prefer more time alone in order to rejuvenate your senses and feel happy.

Reflection

While this test is fun to take and reflect on, it’s good to remember that its accuracy varies and there are hundreds of ways to interpret your answers.

Rely on it as a fun reflective tool to address your current emotional landscape. Using each object as a prompt to further reflect or visualize your emotions can take this test a step further and help you unlock how you’re truly feeling in your life lately! All in all, have fun with it, don’t take it too seriously, and allow your interpretations to ebb and flow according to what feels right in your heart and gut.

The first letter of the name you were blessed with when you entered this world still holds resonance. It offers insight into the way your soul moves through the Universe, it reflects what you’re here to awaken, to hold, and to ultimately remember. This is the energetic theme your life keeps circling around — not as a test, but as a rhythm. As a return.

If your name begins with A, H, O, or V

Your life carries the energy of foundation. You are here to build what lasts — not just externally, but internally. There is something ancient in your spirit, a wisdom that anchors others even when you’re still learning how to anchor yourself. You’ve likely been the steady one, the dependable one, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t known chaos. The truth is, your soul may have chosen this path to learn what peace actually feels like. Your energetic theme is about rooting. About finding safety in yourself, not in performance. Your presence is a foundation. Your growth lies in remembering that being grounded doesn’t mean staying still — it means learning how to carry home within you.

If your name begins with B, G, K, or Q

Your energetic theme is transformation. You are a shape-shifter — emotionally, spiritually, and sometimes literally. Your life doesn’t move in straight lines, it moves in spirals, and  in seasons, and in waves. You are here to learn how to let go without fearing loss. How to surrender without mistaking it for defeat. You’ve been through more versions of yourself than you can count, and sometimes that has felt disorienting, but it’s also divine. You are not meant to be one thing forever. You are here to become. Again and again and again. You carry the magic of impermanence, the magic of regeneration. You are not failing when things fall apart — you are remembering how to rise.

If your name begins with C, L, M, or T

Your life is marked by the theme of emotional depth. You feel things others often avoid. You carry a sensitivity within you that is both your gift and your most misunderstood blessing. From a young age you may have been told that you were “too much” — that you were too emotional, or too intense, or too open. But your soul chose that depth for a reason. You’re here to name what others don’t know how to say. To sit in the spaces where pain lives and still find beauty there. Your gentleness is not weakness. It is holy. You are not here to harden, you are here to soften the world by staying true to your nature. Your healing comes when you stop apologizing for how deeply you feel.

If your name begins with D, J, P, or X

You are here to carry the energy of truth. Though, not the easy kind of truth — the kind that disrupts, that clarifies, that cuts through illusion. You were born with an intuitive knowing, a sense of justice, and a deep discomfort with false heavens — in yourself, in your relationships, in the world around you. That hasn’t always made your lived experience very peaceful. You may have lost people by telling the truth too soon, or you could have been punished for speaking what no one else wanted to confront. But your soul didn’t come here to stay silent. You are here to free yourself and others through honesty, through clarity that heals instead of harms. Your journey isn’t about being right. It’s about being real.

If your name begins with E, N, U, or Z

Your energetic theme is awakening. You are here to remember. Over and over again. Life may have started with a deep forgetting — a sense of disconnection, or displacement, or the kid of yearning you couldn’t explain. That is because your soul came into this being with layers — past lives, karmic echoes, ancestral imprints. Your journey is not linear, it’s mystical, and you are someone who brings light into the unseen, who finds meaning in moments others overlook. You may feel like you’ve lived a thousand lives within this one, and that’s because you have. Your theme is not to repeat, but to awaken. Slowly. Repeatedly. With devotion for all that you’re unlearning and all that you’re reclaiming.

If your name begins with F, I, R, S, or Y

You’re here to embody the energy of connection. Not just externally, but soulfully. You carry within you the rare ability to open others, to meet them in their humanity, to make them feel remembered. But that gift can also come at a cost — overextension, codependency, emotional exhaustion. You’ve learned that connection doesn’t mean self-sacrifice. That love must include you, too. Your theme in this lifetime is not just to give, but to receive. Not just to connect, but to stay connected to yourself. You are here to experience love as reciprocity — not as a performance. Your presence is medicine, but your boundaries are sacred.

Reconciliation with Your Past

If your past still holds a significant charge over your emotions, it may cloud your ability to love freely. Peace comes from the brave act of facing your old wounds, learning from them, and ultimately healing. You know you’re ready to find love when you can recall your past without the emotional upheaval, understanding that these experiences have sculpted you, not scarred you. Achieving this level of peace allows you to enter a relationship not to seek healing from another, but to share the growth you’ve nurtured within yourself.

Self-Sufficiency in Happiness

The second sign is finding joy independently, without the need for someone else to bring it to you. When you derive happiness from your accomplishments, your hobbies, and your self-care, you confirm that your well-being is not dependent on another’s presence. This doesn’t mean isolating yourself or rejecting the idea of shared happiness but recognizing that your primary source of joy is within. A partner then becomes someone who adds to your life, rather than being your sole source of happiness.

Emotional Resilience

Inner peace is also marked by emotional resilience—the ability to bounce back from setbacks and maintain a calm center, even during emotional upheaval. If you find yourself easily thrown off balance by small conflicts or criticisms, it might be time to work on solidifying your inner peace. This strength ensures that when you love, you do so from a place of stability, offering a partner consistency and security, which are essential for a healthy relationship.

Authentic Self-Expression

The fourth sign revolves around being your true self without the fear of judgment or rejection. If you’re constantly molding yourself to fit the expectations of others or to avoid conflict, it indicates a lack of inner peace. Peace comes from the courage to be authentic and the understanding that your value does not decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth. In love, this authenticity attracts a partner who appreciates you for who you are, not just for the facets you choose to show.

The Harmony of Being Alone

One of the strongest signs that you’ve found inner peace is your relationship with solitude. Being alone should feel comfortable and enriching, an opportunity to recharge and reflect. If the idea of being by yourself feels daunting and you seek relationships to escape solitude, it may be a signal that your inner sanctuary needs attention. Peace with solitude is not loneliness; it is the foundation of being able to share space with someone without losing oneself.

Independence of Mind and Spirit

Finally, the independence of your mind and spirit speaks volumes about the peace within you. If you hold your values, beliefs, and dreams with conviction, not easily swayed by others or compromised for the sake of companionship, you exhibit a form of inner peace that is vital for a healthy romantic relationship. It means you will not seek a partner to give you direction but rather to walk beside you, each of you with your compass, navigating the journey together.

When you are going through a spiritual awakening, you might recognize some of the signs: your awareness is heightened, you’re questioning beliefs, you’re seeing a lot of synchronicities, your relationships are changing, and more.

Here are the stages of a spiritual awakening:

Experiencing a triggering event.

A significant life event, crisis, or intense emotional experience can serve as a catalyst for this spiritual awakening. This event can often be triggering and can manifest in various ways: physical pain, emotional turmoil, uprooting past trauma, relationship issues, or a mini mid-life crisis. While this stage is intense, overwhelming, and uncomfortable, it’s deeply important to face your suffering so you can begin to move toward healing and transformation.

After the major triggering event, you might go through a period of intense inner turmoil, desperation, fear, lostness, and loneliness. This can be a “Dark Night of the Soul.” You might start to acknowledge and embrace your Shadow Self: the parts of you that you or others have rejected, have held you back, or have been shoved into the depths of your being. The Shadow Self is our fear, guilt, trauma, shame, and behavioral patterns and projections.

Questioning beliefs and seeking answers.

During this stage, you might start to question your long-held beliefs and cultural conditioning. You start to question who you are, what you believe in, and what your purpose is. You start to wonder about the meaning of life and the mysteries behind the Universe. Who am I? What is my purpose here on Earth? What is the meaning of life? What happens after we die?

Disillusionment.

The questioning process will make you feel a sense of disillusionment. Who am I? What do I believe in? What is my purpose here on Earth? With an open mind, you will want to explore philosophical and spiritual paths, seek guidance from mentors, and read books on spirituality and philosophy. You will feel drawn to mindfulness and meditation, energy healing, or other various practices.

Experiencing inner transformation.

Going through a spiritual journey will lead to a greater awareness of the Universe and the world in which we live, and with this awareness comes a sense of inner peace, love, and unity. You’ll start to become more compassionate, empathetic, and understanding towards yourself and others.

Accepting, surrendering, and continuing to grow.

As you’re going through a spiritual awakening, you will start to accept the journey you’re on and the life you’re living. You’ll surrender to it. You’ll let go and put your trust in the Universe. You will understand that death, life, and rebirth are inevitable and that everything that is supposed to happen will happen. You will start to enjoy living in the present moment by embracing the beauty of life.

1. Just having a job of any kind is already a huge victory. It’s easy to get caught up in wanting a “better” job, or one that pays more, or one that sounds cooler, but you can’t lose sight of important it is to have a job at all.

2. Being self-conscious about money is the silliest thing you could do in our generation. If you have debt, you don’t need to be embarrassed about it. You just have to work hard to make the best of your situation, and be honest with your budget. There is no shame in saying “I can’t go out this week, trying to save money.”

3. Never judge anyone else about the kind of job they’re working, or the lifestyle they are living. It’s a hard battle for everyone.

4. You’re probably going to get broken up with, and have to break up with someone. Both of them are going to be horrible in their own way, but it’s important to remember how terrible it can feel on both sides, so you’ll be kinder next time.

5. It’s always a good time to call your parents.

6. A new purse might look nice, or a better apartment might be more comfortable, but nothing should come before health insurance.

7. When your friends are having a special moment and sharing it on Facebook, always take a moment to show your support and excitement for them. You may think it’s cheesy to collect 400 “likes” for a picture of an engagement ring, but that’s someone’s special day, and it doesn’t make you any happier to not be happy for them.

8. Some people around you are going to get married in their early 20s and everyone will have something snarky to say about it. But always try to err on the side of believing in love, because even if they do end up divorcing because they got together too young, would you really feel better saying “I told you so?”

9. The sooner you realize there is no real “too young” or “too old,” and only “the right time for that person,” the happier you’ll be.

10. You aren’t required to be friends with anyone. This isn’t middle school where you’re in constant proximity to them and need to put on a good face — if someone is hurting you, you can cut them out as a friend for your own mental health. And that doesn’t make you a bad person.

11. That said, we often attribute to malice what was just ignorance. Give people a chance to explain themselves and apologize, because jumping to conclusions can make us miss out on great people.

12. “Staying friends with an ex” is one of those “I’m a grown up, look at how mature I am” ideals that rarely works in practice. If you can’t be friends with an ex, that’s totally legitimate, and it doesn’t make you immature.

13. Deleting someone on Facebook can seem so final and aggressive, but often it’s the best thing you can do for your healing process.

14. If you have money to go out to bars, get takeout, or buy new clothes, you have money that you could be saving for travel. If traveling is important to you, you have to prioritize it, and that means financially.

15. Being on social media will always be a double-edged sword — you get to stay in touch with people you love, but are too informed about their lives, blah blah blah. But ultimately you get to choose what you share and what you keep secret. No one is forcing you to log on or to post multiple times a day.

16. What happens online is permanent, but that’s true for everyone, and one picture of you drinking on Facebook is not the end of your career.

17. Drinking is the most expensive activity in the world, and among the least rewarding. If you’re going to go out, get to know the good deals in your area, or at least have a drink or two at home before going out. There is no feeling worse than waking up with a hangover and 100 dollars magically missing from your bank account.

18. Asking for help is not the end of the world, from parents or friends or partners. But always be grateful, and always try to help when someone else needs something.

19. If you’re ever uncomfortable or anxious at a party, you can leave. Saying you don’t feel well and need to go home is a thousand times better than pretending to enjoy yourself and having a terrible time. Leaving is always an option.

20. Take care of your body. It’s not about what you look like, it’s not about what you weigh, but it’s about how tired you get just living a normal life and doing basic physical activity. You can be 120 pounds and still get winded going up two flights of stairs — and only you know if this is really true.

21. Drink lots of water, especially if you have bad skin, but just in general. Water is your best friend, along with health insurance, a good trench coat, and discretion on social media. But mostly water.

Maybe nobody noticed. Maybe your small stretches of the truth that you were “busy” actually fooled your friends. Now that you’re working your way back out of the hole, slowing reaching towards the surface, there are some things that you are doing that people may not realize are because you are recovering from this depressive episode.

1. Your sleep patterns are different than normal.

You’ve had your “adult” sleep schedule down to a science for years, always going to bed around 8:30 PM and waking up around 5:30 AM. You hit a wall about two weeks ago, though, and started spending lots of extra time in the bed, attempting to shut the world out for just a few hours longer. Unfortunately, even now that you are starting to feel “better,” it still takes a while to synchronize. You may become overwhelmed during the day and take a nap, but that leaves you feeling energized and staying up late. If nobody realized you were depressed, though, they won’t notice your weird sleep patterns that go on for weeks, right? (Although they might question why you are suddenly posting on Instagram at 1:00am…)

2. You’ve suddenly become very sentimental.

You suddenly find yourself reaching out to your friends, craving their attention after isolating yourself for a few weeks. It might be something as simple as texting them every day just to “check in,” or sending them a lengthy letter and random care package “just because.” You might even be overly physically affectionate, giving even more hugs and asking for cuddles at random times. Everyone may think you are just being extra loving, but you know the reality is that you are thankful you didn’t lose those that you love and want to make sure they know how much they mean to you in case next time you don’t make it out of the low.

3. You find yourself getting easily overwhelmed or emotional.

You might not have completely stabilized yet, so your moods are still in a state of flux, and the scales can be tipped with the simplest of events. Things may make you cry more than normal, or you may suddenly “need a moment” to calm yourself if you start to feel angry or anxious. You seem thrown off by sudden or loud noises, an overload of information to process takes even longer than usual, and making a simple mistake can start you down the spiral. Nobody sees this but you.

4. Your appetite is all over the place.

One day you may eat everything in sight, then you later spend the next two days living off almost nothing. You get excited at the look of a meal, then take a bite and decide you can’t finish. That’s kind of how the world is for several days when you come out of a very low phase: colors are still dulled, smells are less intense, everything seems to be turned down several notches more than normal.

5. You start spamming social media with motivational shit.

You are usually a very open person. When you get low, it shows, especially with my social media posts. As you try to get back to a place of normalcy, you look to affirmations, motivational quotes, or any small reminders that you think will keep me moving upward. You then become so enamored with these positive posts that you tend to share them daily for at least a week. Everyone sees it as your usual way of looking out for everyone else and taking care of those around you; nobody realizes that all the motivational posts are really just for you.

6. You avoid being alone.

Being alone tends to always be dangerous for you, especially as you recover from a depressive episode. You avoid telling people, “It’s not safe for me to be by myself,” but you make a very conscious effort to either have people physically near you or reach out electronically when you know you’ll be physically alone for an amount of time. People serve both as a distraction and as a safety net, so people are important to have nearby as you work hard to improve.

7. You listen to music constantly.

One of the best ways to regulate and try to control emotions is through music. You were told to use music to help you stay mindful, to stay energized, to stay active. Pop & dance music from the 1990s-2010s are where it’s at if you want to feel happy and pumped up, so people will hear you blasting JT or Ke$ha and just think you are in a particularly good mood or feeling like kicking it “old school.”

8. You buy something new, even if you don’t really need it.

Retail therapy is real, and you take full advantage. Even just window shopping gets you out of the house, and a new outfit is just what you need to feel beautiful and love yourself again after this storm of depression. Everyone else just thinks you are wanting to feel sexy and they don’t suspect a thing.

9. You look for something to “get into.

Your therapist said the best way to stay positive is to stay in the present and “out of your thoughts.” This means trying to stay busy. Picking up a new hobby, starting a new routine, or even just picking back up a craft you lost interest in while depressed can help. Your friends don’t seem to think anything of it because you are always the one who is trying new things and dragging them along.

10. You clean something.

You pride yourself on being organized, but that goes out the window as soon as you start to sink into a depression. You avoid anything that will overwhelm you, and your energy is so low that even a simple task like loading the dishwasher requires a break after you finish. Once you start to feel better, though, the messes you’ve let pile up enrage you and they must go. You don’t even want people to know there was a mess in the first place, because that would be embarrassing.

Depression can hit anyone at any time. While there can be some typical symptoms, the way that depression looks on everyone can be very different. This means that the behavioral “signs” of recovery can also vary greatly. These 10 items are all very small actions or signs, and they may seem like normal things that most people do and go mostly unnoticed. Self-awareness is important, though, so if you suffer from depression, it might be good to think about the ways that depression and the climb back out will look on you. Knowing these small details can make a difference in your life and even help those around you begin to recognize what you need a little easier.

Your hands feel foreign, your stomach twisted, your heart weighed down. You are unsure of your next step, dizzy and suddenly terrified to stand back up again.

But this is what you do when you are broken. You pick yourself up, piece by piece. You re-learn the strongest parts of yourself and fight until you break through. You drag yourself forward until your limbs can hold your weight, then you learn to stand up, to walk, to smile again.

You hold yourself together with threads, you distract yourself with things and people that occupy your mind and fill the space around you. You walk, you run, you settle into the rhythm of pounding feet on concrete. You comfort yourself with words and soft blankets and laughter until it no longer feels like you’re pretending.

You may be broken right now, but it will get better.
You may be broken right now, but you are not weak.

You are never weak. Your head has forgotten its capacity to love, to forgive, to hold memories.

Your body has forgotten how to push forward. But you are not this fragile creature that needs to be sheltered, protected, held within a closed fist.

You are not weak. The strongest parts of you are hiding just below the surface, giving you a moment to process. Recharging. The strongest parts of you are building, aligning, bubbling underneath your skin. Waiting for you to believe in them, to set them free.

You are not weak. You do not need to be taken care of. You do not need pity, or gentleness, or someone to carry you, or to hold your hand. You have the strength to stand on your own, the confidence to rebuild, the passion to continue, and the love to forgive.

Though the world may be pulling you down today, though you can’t lift the shadow from your eyes, though you are scared of the future, though you are broken, you are not weak.

So close your eyes, take a deep breath, and silently remind yourself of the person you are, of your incredible strength, and begin to piece yourself together again.

When things begin to crumble before our very eyes, we often try and mitigate the fallout by clinging to the shards of what once was instead of allowing them to go.

Rather than letting people be on their way, we first will cling to them and our feelings well past their expiration dates. We will try to convince ourselves that we are meant to stay in places we know we have outgrown, and so we do. We will remain in roles and situations and mindsets that are clearly not working because to let them go sounds far too painful and risky.

We claim we fight because we put so much of ourselves and our time into these scenarios, relationships, and places that it would feel wasteful to not at least try to keep them. But the truth of the matter is that you can only put off the inevitable so long until fate takes the wheel.

What is meant to go will always leave.

But on the other side of that truth is that the things that are meant to arrive always will as well. And the things that are meant to stay always will, too.

This is not to say that we can’t ache over these things we loved and cared about. This is not to say we shouldn’t take the time to process and feel and all of that. This is to say that we need to keep our perspective when we are able to, however.

When we focus too intently on the endings, we fail to look at the horizons ahead of us. We forget to notice the opportunities the empty space create. We drown out the whispers of hope in favor of the shrillness of fear.

Instead, it would be in our best interests to allow ourselves to feel the grief while we still walking forward towards our better, more aligned tomorrows.

While not everything happens for a reason, everything is as it should be at any given moment. Because when we look backwards, we will begin to see that everything makes sense given everything that occurred.

The burned bridges forced us to change directions. The lost love forced us to heal. The towns we outgrew forced us to find home in places that could actually make us feel safe.

Not everything we lose is a loss. Those relationships and moments and jobs and emotions and places that slip through our fingers only make room for everything we were meant to hold on to all along.

We just need to be brave enough welcome them in.