They left you excited half the time – and disappointed the other half.

You deserve a partner who is consistent. They shouldn’t pick and choose when to treat you right. They shouldn’t bring you immense joy one day, and immense disappointment the next. If the one who got away only felt like the one half the time, then they weren’t enough for you. You need someone who shows up every single day, no excuses.

You weren’t the best version of yourself around them.

Your partner should bring out your best qualities, not your worst. You should like who you are when they’re standing in a room with you. If this person mostly brought out your jealous side or your mopey side, then they aren’t actually your soulmate. You deserve someone who makes you want to be the best partner possible. Someone who inspires you to reach your full potential.

You put in noticeably more effort than they did.

You might feel like they were the one who got away because your feelings for them were so strong – but you need to ask yourself whether they actually put any effort into being with you. Remember, you can’t sustain a relationship with someone who is uninterested in putting in the work. You need a partner who is going to make you feel loved and supported. A partner who is going to do their fair share of the work, even when it’s inconvenient.

You had conflicting feelings about how to spend the rest of your lives.

You need to have aligning views for the future in order to make a relationship last. If you felt differently about how many children you wanted to have (and if you wanted to have any at all), whether you wanted to get married, and the location you wanted to live, then you’re better off apart. Neither of you should have to sacrifice what you really want to be together.

You shared different values.

Having chemistry is one thing. But having shared values is another thing entirely. You can’t make a relationship last based on passion alone. You need so much more than that in order to spend the rest of your lives together, so if the one who got away was on a completely different page than you, it was never meant to last.

They failed to prioritize you.

You can’t expect to be your partner’s whole world – but you should be a huge part of it. If the one who got away never treated you like a priority, then a relationship never would have worked, despite how much they cared for you. You deserve a relationship where your partner treats you like a priority, not a bonus or a backup plan.

You keep giving out second (and third and fourth) chances.

If someone makes a bad habit out of hurting you, then you shouldn’t keep them close. You aren’t cruel for cutting them out of your life. If anything, they are cruel for putting you through the same heartbreak over and over again and expecting you to sit there and take it. Although you might love them, you need to set clear boundaries, or walk away from them once and for all. Either way, make it clear that they cannot keep hurting you without facing consequences.

You believe their words without paying attention to their actions.

It’s easy for someone to apologize, especially when they know you well and can predict exactly the right words to say in order to tug at your heartstrings. Even if they are genuinely apologetic in the moment, what matters is whether their actions change moving forward. Their words are meaningless without their behaviors backing it up, so make sure that you pay attention to whether they are following through on the promises they make you when they are trying to get you back on their good side.  

You keep chasing after the same type of people with different faces.

You don’t want to swap one bad partner out for another. When you’re exiting a bad relationship, take some time to think about the qualities you didn’t enjoy in that person, so you can avoid future partners that are basically a clone of them. That way, you won’t keep feeling like you’re stuck in a cycle, getting hurt in the same ways over and over again by different people. Although it’s impossible to know for sure whether someone is a bad idea before you get to know them, there are always red flags you can keep an eye out for.

You assume that forgiveness equals reconciliation.

Even if you can find it in your heart to forgive someone who has betrayed you, that doesn’t mean you need to continue to give them access to you. You can forgive them while wanting nothing to do with them moving forward. They aren’t owed your attention. It doesn’t matter how much history you share or how much you care about each other. If the smartest move is moving away from them, then you have to do that for your own sake. You have to choose you after a lifetime of putting other people first.

You care more about the hearts of others than your own heart.

Your generosity is beautiful, but it’s possible to care about others and care about yourself at the same time. Moving forward, try to keep in mind what you deserve and what would make you happy instead of automatically sacrificing your desires in order to please others. Although it might feel uncomfortable to choose yourself at first, it’s something you should learn to do. Love yourself. Take care of yourself. You deserve it.

You deserve better than a partner who complains whenever you ask them for something but expects you to drop everything in order to help them out. You deserve better than a love that feels lopsided and conditional. In this year, you owe it to yourself to stop wasting your time with partners who are comfortable giving you the bare minimum because you are not ‘greedy’ for craving more.

You deserve a partner who sets aside quality time to spend with you. A partner who prioritizes your relationship, so you never have to question where you stand with them. A partner who goes above and beyond to make you happy, the same way you always do for them.

You deserve a partner who is actually present when they’re in the room with you. A partner who listens closely when you’re speaking instead of staring at their phone and giving you one-word answers while waiting for their turn to speak. Your partner should appreciate your mind as much as your body. They should be invested in your opinions, your thoughts, and your dreams.

You deserve a partner you can genuinely count on. A partner who is going to follow through on their promises, even if it inconveniences them, because they want you to trust them. More than that, they want to be there for you. They would never dream of leaving you hanging because they care about you as much as you care about them. They are willing and eager to give as much as they receive because, in their eyes, you deserve the world.

You deserve a partner who shows up whenever you’re hurting. A partner who helps you through the healing process, no matter how long and arduous it is, instead of expecting you to deal with your problems alone. You shouldn’t settle for someone who cuts and runs whenever times get hard, who only wants to stick around for the happy, fun times because that’s not what a real relationship entails. You deserve a partner who lets you sob on their shoulder, who pulls you closer when you’re upset instead of turning the other way.

You deserve a partner who supports your wildest dreams, even if it means spending less time with them. They want the best for you, regardless of what it means for them because they genuinely have your best interest at heart. They honestly want to see you thrive. They aren’t jealous of your successes. They aren’t intentionally trying to hold you back. Quite the contrary. They are helping you reach your full potential. They are in your corner, no matter what. They always have your back, no question about it.

Don’t settle for anyone who leaves you hanging because you deserve someone you can count on one thousand percent. Someone whose words match their actions every time. You don’t want to waste time with someone who talks a big talk in order to sweep you off your feet, then fails to follow through. You deserve someone who means every single word they say to you. Someone who you can trust wholeheartedly because they have never misled you or looked you in the eyes and lied. They are authentic. They are loyal. They are proving that you can count on them time and time again.

You don’t want to voice your frustrations because you don’t want to cause a fight. You would rather avoid the drama by staying silent. But this means you’re letting them get away with their behavior. They won’t have any incentive to change the way they’re acting because they either don’t realize you’re unsatisfied or they realize that they can get away with it without consequence. Even though it’s common to have a fear of confrontation, you have to remember that tough conversations can be a good thing. It can make your relationship stronger when you’re with the right person, a person who is willing to grow and do what’s best for you.

You feel like you’re running out of time.

If you are trying to stick to some imaginary timeline and feel pressured to settle down ASAP, then you might pick the first person you find and decide that they’re good enough. As long as they aren’t treating you horribly, you might stay because you feel like you’re running out of time and options. But you have to remember, you can find love at any age. You aren’t as behind as you feel.

You’ve had bad relationship role models – or have been in bad relationships in the past.

When the relationships you’re used to are terrible, then anyone who treats you halfway decent will feel like a breath of fresh air. But just because someone treats you better than your ex did doesn’t mean they’re actually treating you well. It doesn’t mean they’re the perfect partner.

You struggle with your self-worth.

If you don’t realize how much you deserve, then there’s a chance you’re going to settle for someone who isn’t meeting your standards. There’s a chance you’ll believe them when they tell you that you should be happy with what they’re giving you, that you should take what you can get. If you don’t realize that you deserve the world, then you probably won’t ask for nearly as much as you should be getting.

You get attached easily.

If you fall in love easily, before you have the chance to really get to know this person, then there’s a chance you’ll realize they weren’t what you originally thought. There’s a chance that you’ll wake up one morning and realize that you’re with the type of person you swore you would never date. But if you’re already attached to them and are hesitant to leave, you might stay with someone who never deserved you.

You’re scared of being alone.

If you have no interest in ending the relationship, even though they aren’t making you happy, then you might not call them out on their BS. After all, you don’t want to chase them away. You don’t want to give them a reason to leave, and you know that speaking your mind could end the relationship. So you never ask for more. You settle for less than you deserve because you wrongly assume being in the wrong relationship beats being alone.

Even though he’s the only one you want right now, you shouldn’t wait for him forever because there’s no telling whether he’s serious when he says he’s not ready for a relationship right now. 

He might be telling you that in order to cover up for the fact he isn’t interested in dating you. He might be telling you that so he can string you along while hooking up with other girls on the side. He might be telling you that because he genuinely believes it’s the truth at the time — but things can change. He might find someone else. He might head down a new path. He might not give you the happily ever after you’ve been hoping to receive from him.

You shouldn’t wait for him forever because nine times out of ten, bad timing is a bad excuse. If he really wanted to be with you, then he could try to rearrange his schedule to make time for you, even though work has been leaving him swamped lately. If he really wanted to be with you, then he could try to figure out a way to make a long-distance relationship work, even though he’s miles away. If he really wanted to be with you, he would fight for you. He would put effort into you.

You shouldn’t wait for him forever because it’s not fair for you to be the one waiting, the one chasing, the one pouring all your love into him. If he cannot return your affection, then he doesn’t deserve your affection. You shouldn’t settle for anything one-sided. You shouldn’t settle for a mediocre version of love.

You shouldn’t wait for him forever because forever is a long time. There are other people out there who can give you what you need without a timer attached. You deserve to experience the world without being tied down to someone who might not even feel the same way about you. You deserve to see what it’s like to enter a relationship with someone who is ready for you, who is willing to give you everything you need. Not in a year or two or ten but today. 

You don’t want to end up waiting around for him when there’s no guarantee you two are going to end up together. Even if the timing really is bad, you’re allowed to live your life. You’re allowed to date other people. You’re allowed to explore your other options.

In the end, when the timing is right, the two of you might find your way back to each other. Or you might not.

Either way, you shouldn’t wait for him forever. You shouldn’t make yourself miserable just in case he decides to turn around and date you after years of chasing after him.

If something is bothering you, you let your partner know about it in the most respectful way possible. You don’t start the conversation by screaming at them or calling them a fucking idiot. You keep your temper. You keep things mature.

Open communication means that you have important conversations face-to-face instead of over a text message, so that there isn’t any miscommunication. So that you don’t assume that their tone is nasty when they are actually trying to be nice. So that you can actually understand how the other person is feeling instead of attempting to read between the lines in a text or getting angrier and angrier when they take too long to respond.

Open communication means that you tell each other how you are feeling, even when you would rather keep your emotions locked up inside. Even when the situation seemingly has nothing to do with them. It means you’ll let them know if your job is stressing you out so much that you’ve been considering quitting. It means you’ll fill them in when you get in a fight with your parents or stop talking to your best friend.

Open communication means that you talk to each other before you make a decision that impacts them. You tell them about the dog you were thinking about adopting, the ex you were thinking about meeting for coffee, the vacation you were thinking about taking over summer. Even though what you do is ultimately up to you, you are also a team, which is why you let them become a part of the decision making process.

Open communication means that you create an environment where you’re both comfortable talking about anything. Where you aren’t scared to approach a certain subject. Where you aren’t worried that you could cause a breakup by being honest.

Open communication means that you discuss your problems before they turn into relationship-ending blowups. It means that you do more than talk — you actually listen.

And you take each other’s complaints seriously, even if they seem silly. Even if they’re mad about something as small as the way you leave hair in the drain or the toilet seat up. It doesn’t matter. You respect their feelings, even if you don’t understand them.

The last thing you want is for your partner to be upset because of you, so if they are (reasonably) upset by your behavior, then you try to change it. You both work hard to keep the relationship strong, to fix what is broken. You put in equal effort, because you both want the love to last. You both want to stay together forever.

Open communication means that you tell your partner everything. That you never keep any secrets. That you fully let them into your heart.

They will tell everyone you’re The One right away.

They will say that they’ve never felt this way before and refer to you as their soulmate or the love of their life, even if you’re only a few days into the relationship. Their intensity will come out around other people too, which will make it hard for you to slow down the relationship without looking like the bad guy. After all, they will tell everyone they know that you’re the one they want to spend the rest of their life alongside, even when you haven’t made it clear whether you feel the same way yet.

They will talk about serious milestones super early.

This person will act like you’ve known each other forever, even when it’s only been a few days. They will be super upfront about their feelings for you, which will feel refreshing at first. But they will want to move at warp speed. There’s nothing wrong with letting you know what they want in the future – but this person will talk to you about getting married and having children ASAP. They will act like they’re ready to settle down with you right this moment and will pressure you to move quickly. They will want to move in together immediately and skip over the early parts of the relationship, essentially fast forwarding to the part where you’re super serious about each other.

They will be emotionally demanding.

Even though you’re still in a relatively new relationship, they will demand every moment of your time. They will make you feel guilty about spending time with your friends over them. They might even complain about your career eating up too much of your attention. This person will want you around every second of the day and will grow frustrated when you take too long to answer messages. Even making them wait five minutes could cause an argument. But they will find a way to make it look like their jealousy is cute instead of toxic, to make you excited about how much they care.

They will perform romantic gestures to distract you from red flags.

This type of person won’t want to answer too many questions about themselves because they will want you to focus on what they can give you. They won’t want you to see the real them until you’re already fully committed to them and have no plans to leave. Until then, they will buy you flowers and jewelry and trips out of town. They will pressure you to move quicker than you’re comfortable moving and if you hesitate, they’ll guilt trip you about all the nice things they’ve done for you.

I gave you compliments. I dressed up whenever I knew you would be in the same room. I invited you over on weekends. I dropped hints about how much I missed you when you were not around. I worked my hardest to make room for you in my world because you seemed like you were worth the effort.

Even when you ignored my messages and sent mixed signals, I kept pushing forward. I would get upset about how long it was taking you to answer my texts, but I always ended up forgiving you. I would be disappointed about our canceled plans, but would still ask you to hang out when the next weekend rolled around.

I chased after you, because I thought you were nervous about entering a relationship. I thought you were considering whether to make me your girlfriend and if I tried a little harder, then you would feel confident that I was the one.

I thought I was doing the right thing by pursuing you — and honestly, I’m not sure I could have held myself back anyway. All I wanted to do was talk to you. I never could have ignored the temptation to send a cute text. I never could have stopped myself from touching you, complimenting you, daydreaming about kissing you.

But after a while, I became exhausted. The chase tired me out. You never asked me to be your girlfriend, you never put in nearly as much effort as I had been exerting, so I gave up hope of getting together with you. I decided to stop sending the first text and stop blowing up your phone with notifications. I walked away from the idea of us. I accepted that you were never going to feel the same way about me.

I might have stopped chasing after you, but that doesn’t mean I stopped wanting you. That doesn’t mean I stopped scrolling through your social media and fantasizing about what might happen if we ran into each other again.

I still want you. I still have feelings for you. But I am not going to keep chasing after you when you have made it clear nothing is going to happen between us.

I cannot keep putting myself through the agony of analyzing your mixed messages. I cannot deal with the heartache of flirting with you, feeling like I am getting closer to you, and then finding out you’ve found someone else.

I tried to impress you for long enough. If we are going to get together, then it’s your turn to do the work. It’s your turn to send the first text, to try to keep the conversation going, to come up with exciting plans and cry yourself to sleep when they fall through.

I cannot do it anymore. I cannot keep chasing you, even though you’re all that I want.

2. Never date someone who makes you love yourself less. Someone who makes you feel unintelligent. Someone who makes you feel unattractive. Someone who makes you feel unworthy of their affection.

3. Never date someone who makes you chase them. Someone who refuses to send the first text. Someone who waits for you to plan every date and lead every conversation. Someone who acts lazy because they know you will pick up the slack.

4. Never date someone who chooses when to treat you well. Someone who will spoil you for weeks and then ignore you for weeks. Someone who changes their tune every few days. Someone who only shows you respect sometimes.

5. Never date someone who only cares about themselves. Someone who thinks they are always right. Someone who refuses to compromise with you or apologize to you. Someone who has trouble taking responsibility for their own actions.

6. Never date someone without a conscience. Someone who ignores your texts without feeling bad about it. Someone who lies to your face without feeling guilty about it. Someone who hurts you without losing sleep over it.

7. Never date someone who makes you feel uncomfortable. Someone who acts superior to you. Someone who you have to walk on eggshells around to avoid an argument. Someone who peer pressures you into drinking or having sex when you said no the first time.

8. Never date someone who makes you feel guilty over your emotions. Someone who calls you overemotional whenever you get upset. Someone who asks if you’re on your period every time you express your feelings. Someone who finds a way to turn every situation around so that they are the victim and they are the one who should be upset.

9. Never date someone who expects you to choose them over everything else. Someone who expects you to cancel plans with friends to see them. Someone who expects you to quit your job to spend more time with them. Someone who expects you to give up everything that makes you you because they feel like they are the only thing that should be causing you happiness.

10. Never date someone who keeps secrets from you. Someone who bottles their emotions up inside. Someone who pretends they’re fine when they’re clearly not. Someone who hides pieces of themselves from you, even though you’re the one person they should feel comfortable around.

11. Never date someone who gives you orders. Someone who tells you which clothes you are allowed to wear and which friends you are allowed to text. Someone who makes you get permission from them before leaving the house. Someone who acts overbearing and overprotective.

12. Never date someone who takes their anger out on you. Someone who treats you like their punching bag after a stressful day of work. Someone who becomes violent when they don’t get their way. Someone who has scared you before because you weren’t sure what they were going to do next.

13. Never date someone who has shown you mean nothing to them. Someone who is okay with a one-sided relationship. Someone who lets you do all the work without lending a hand. Someone who takes from you but never gives back. 

You shouldn’t waste time with people who take and take from you without bothering to say thank you. It’s bad enough when others fail to return your good deeds, but if they aren’t even showing appreciation for all of the kind things you do for them, you don’t need them in your social circle. You should only spend time with people who value your time and your attention.

You feel unsupported by the people around you.

Your loved ones don’t have to be thrilled about every decision that you make, but if they’re constantly undermining your choices and minimizing your accomplishments, you aren’t going to feel your best around them. While healthy criticism can be good for you, you don’t want haters in your close circle. You don’t want to be torn apart by the people who claim to love you. If they really care about you, then they’ll support your decisions and celebrate your wins.

You feel drained by the people around you.

You shouldn’t be walking away from every conversation feeling more stressed out than you originally were. Your social circle is supposed to give you reasons to smile and feel your most confident. If they’ve only been bringing you down for a while by causing constant drama and making petty complaints, then you might want to rethink who you are spending so much time around.

You feel pressured to pretend by the people around you.

You should feel like you can be your real, unfiltered self around your social circle. You shouldn’t feel pressured to hide your thoughts or opinions in order to fit in with everyone else. You shouldn’t feel like you’re wearing a mask whenever you step out in public because others would judge the actual you. Real friends will allow the real you to shine.

You feel underestimated by the people around you.

Your social circle should see your worth. They shouldn’t minimize your accomplishments or make you feel small and incapable. You need to surround yourself with people who believe you can accomplish anything you set out to do, not people who question whether you have the strength or the follow-through.

You feel bored by the people around you.

You are allowed to outgrow the people around you. If you feel like they’re holding you back — or simply feel bored by them and aren’t really interested in spending more time together, that’s okay. That’s part of life. You’re allowed to shrink your social circle, no matter the reason.