Maybe nobody noticed. Maybe your small stretches of the truth that you were “busy” actually fooled your friends. Now that you’re working your way back out of the hole, slowing reaching towards the surface, there are some things that you are doing that people may not realize are because you are recovering from this depressive episode.

1. Your sleep patterns are different than normal.

You’ve had your “adult” sleep schedule down to a science for years, always going to bed around 8:30 PM and waking up around 5:30 AM. You hit a wall about two weeks ago, though, and started spending lots of extra time in the bed, attempting to shut the world out for just a few hours longer. Unfortunately, even now that you are starting to feel “better,” it still takes a while to synchronize. You may become overwhelmed during the day and take a nap, but that leaves you feeling energized and staying up late. If nobody realized you were depressed, though, they won’t notice your weird sleep patterns that go on for weeks, right? (Although they might question why you are suddenly posting on Instagram at 1:00am…)

2. You’ve suddenly become very sentimental.

You suddenly find yourself reaching out to your friends, craving their attention after isolating yourself for a few weeks. It might be something as simple as texting them every day just to “check in,” or sending them a lengthy letter and random care package “just because.” You might even be overly physically affectionate, giving even more hugs and asking for cuddles at random times. Everyone may think you are just being extra loving, but you know the reality is that you are thankful you didn’t lose those that you love and want to make sure they know how much they mean to you in case next time you don’t make it out of the low.

3. You find yourself getting easily overwhelmed or emotional.

You might not have completely stabilized yet, so your moods are still in a state of flux, and the scales can be tipped with the simplest of events. Things may make you cry more than normal, or you may suddenly “need a moment” to calm yourself if you start to feel angry or anxious. You seem thrown off by sudden or loud noises, an overload of information to process takes even longer than usual, and making a simple mistake can start you down the spiral. Nobody sees this but you.

4. Your appetite is all over the place.

One day you may eat everything in sight, then you later spend the next two days living off almost nothing. You get excited at the look of a meal, then take a bite and decide you can’t finish. That’s kind of how the world is for several days when you come out of a very low phase: colors are still dulled, smells are less intense, everything seems to be turned down several notches more than normal.

5. You start spamming social media with motivational shit.

You are usually a very open person. When you get low, it shows, especially with my social media posts. As you try to get back to a place of normalcy, you look to affirmations, motivational quotes, or any small reminders that you think will keep me moving upward. You then become so enamored with these positive posts that you tend to share them daily for at least a week. Everyone sees it as your usual way of looking out for everyone else and taking care of those around you; nobody realizes that all the motivational posts are really just for you.

6. You avoid being alone.

Being alone tends to always be dangerous for you, especially as you recover from a depressive episode. You avoid telling people, “It’s not safe for me to be by myself,” but you make a very conscious effort to either have people physically near you or reach out electronically when you know you’ll be physically alone for an amount of time. People serve both as a distraction and as a safety net, so people are important to have nearby as you work hard to improve.

7. You listen to music constantly.

One of the best ways to regulate and try to control emotions is through music. You were told to use music to help you stay mindful, to stay energized, to stay active. Pop & dance music from the 1990s-2010s are where it’s at if you want to feel happy and pumped up, so people will hear you blasting JT or Ke$ha and just think you are in a particularly good mood or feeling like kicking it “old school.”

8. You buy something new, even if you don’t really need it.

Retail therapy is real, and you take full advantage. Even just window shopping gets you out of the house, and a new outfit is just what you need to feel beautiful and love yourself again after this storm of depression. Everyone else just thinks you are wanting to feel sexy and they don’t suspect a thing.

9. You look for something to “get into.

Your therapist said the best way to stay positive is to stay in the present and “out of your thoughts.” This means trying to stay busy. Picking up a new hobby, starting a new routine, or even just picking back up a craft you lost interest in while depressed can help. Your friends don’t seem to think anything of it because you are always the one who is trying new things and dragging them along.

10. You clean something.

You pride yourself on being organized, but that goes out the window as soon as you start to sink into a depression. You avoid anything that will overwhelm you, and your energy is so low that even a simple task like loading the dishwasher requires a break after you finish. Once you start to feel better, though, the messes you’ve let pile up enrage you and they must go. You don’t even want people to know there was a mess in the first place, because that would be embarrassing.

Depression can hit anyone at any time. While there can be some typical symptoms, the way that depression looks on everyone can be very different. This means that the behavioral “signs” of recovery can also vary greatly. These 10 items are all very small actions or signs, and they may seem like normal things that most people do and go mostly unnoticed. Self-awareness is important, though, so if you suffer from depression, it might be good to think about the ways that depression and the climb back out will look on you. Knowing these small details can make a difference in your life and even help those around you begin to recognize what you need a little easier.

Who am I? Who are you? Who are we?

Self-awareness can be defined as “the ability to take an honest look at your life without attachment to it being right or wrong.” It’s knowing who you are, what you feel, and what you desire. You might call it your “gut,” intuition, or sixth sense. Personally, I like to refer to it as my “wise mind.” Self-awareness means paying attention to yourself, not just the messages your body sends, but also what the world around you is saying to you.

Many of us have flipped the switch, pulled the plug, tried to build a wall to prevent the ability to be self-aware. So, how can we get that back? How can we reconnect with ourselves and gain awareness of ourselves?

1. Label Your Emotions.

You may think that you don’t have many emotions throughout a day, but you do… you’ve just become numb to them. So, it’s time to start recognizing emotions when they come to you and give them names. When someone cuts you off on the interstate, instead of honking your horn or raising that middle finger, first say, “I feel angry,” or “I am angry because of what just happened.” You don’t have to fully explore it to start with, just labeling the feelings will allow you to gain awareness of that emotion when it hits you again. If you are feeling really ambitious or are still into the bullet journaling trend, try tracking your emotions each day and reviewing them in the evening.

2. Release Your Thoughts.

One of the largest obstacles to living in the present is clinging to thoughts, especially memories of the past or fears for the future. The only place you can have an impact on your life is the here and now, so it’s time to practice letting go of those thoughts that are preventing you from embracing the moment. A great trick to allow you to realize when you are becoming buried in thought is to label each thought as it enters your mind, then, if it isn’t beneficial to the current moment, send it down the conveyor belt and out of your mind. So, if you are at work and you start wondering what’s for dinner, instead of getting lost in trying to remember what’s in the fridge or what won’t upset your stomach after you eat that burrito for lunch, just say, “future thought,” or “thought about home,” and push it to the side. You’ll find your productivity and mood both positively impacted as you become more aware of your thoughts.

3. Practice Acceptance.

The first line of the Serenity Prayer says, “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.” Yet, it is human nature to try to control everything, even that which we cannot control or change. Self-awareness means recognizing the difference between what is within your control and what is outside of the realm of your abilities. Realizing when you cannot change something, be it other people, particular work situations, or environmental factors, and allowing yourself to accept this will relieve stress and fill you with a greater sense of purpose in that which you can impact or change.

4. Be Objective And Non-Judgmental.

Words like “good” and “bad” have become such commonplace in our lives, meaning we are constantly passing judgment on ourselves and the work we do. Self-criticism leads to fear of judgment from others. So, instead of labeling your own work judgmentally, try to use objective language and focus on only the facts without passing judgment. For example, instead of me saying that “I’m doing such a terrible job writing this article,” I could say, “I have spent close to an hour planning what to write for this article based on my experiences in dialectical behavior therapy and reading about Zen traditions.” It takes practice, but it’s a simple thing to do throughout the day. It just requires willingness to change the way you look at the world and yourself.

5. Take Time To Reflect.

You are human; you aren’t going to get things done the most efficient way the first time or always see the optimum solution in the heat of the moment. So, take time after events or at the end of each day and reflect. You can do this through journaling, silent thought, release through meditation or any other way of reflecting that works for you. The key, though, is that after you reflect and think about ways to improve your awareness for the future, you let go. Don’t dwell on the mistakes you made for hours, give them space then leave them in that space and walk away.

Self-awareness is a skill; it will take time and constant practice to develop, just like the ability to ride a bike or play basketball (which I still can’t do). Hopefully, though, these five little things can find their way into your day and start to build that awareness, or awakening, within your soul. Remember, self-awareness is merely directing your attention inward.

When I fall in love, it happens quickly, and it happens hard. But I know from past experiences that love doesn’t work this way for everyone. So instead of confessing how I feel for you, I keep telling myself to stuff it deep down inside of me and never let it go.

I can’t help but love you — but my brain tells me not to say it just yet.

I lie awake for hours, replaying every moment of our time together in my head. I hold onto you as you fall asleep, cherishing the moment I hope will never end. My thoughts race as three little words find their way to the tip of my tongue, yet I just can’t find a way to tell you how I feel.

I know exactly what I’m feeling, but something inside of me keeps saying it’s too soon to tell you what I feel because you may run away in fear. What if it’s too soon? Given the way I feel, I don’t want to ruin it all with three silly words.

I love you so much I feel it in my bones, but I worry that telling you this would ruin what we have.

We wake up next to each other, then take a moment to just hold hands while we talk about everything and nothing all at once. We share our innermost desires, and I start daydreaming of the future life we could build together. I want to share my life with you entirely, both the good parts and the bad.

Yet no matter how amazing this all feels, I’m terrified to confess my love and give you any kind of power over me. I worry about you breaking my heart, a heart that I was foolish enough to give. Yet I keep giving you pieces of it anyway, and this confession is no different.

My feelings for you grow with every breath I take, and it scares me beyond belief. I know I’m falling for you, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t fight it or even slow it down.

The truth is, I love you… but I’m too scared to say the words.

Each time I lose another lover, I convince myself that this time will be different — that I’ll be different. But without fail, someone comes along and sweeps me off my feet again shortly after, and I throw all caution to the wind as I fall hard and fast.

Now, here you are: the chance I thought I’d never have, the prize I never thought I’d win. And even though I adamantly told myself I wouldn’t fall this hard again, here I am already falling for you.

With every text, I smile. And each picture you share makes my heart skip a beat. I spend each moment we’re apart waiting in anxious anticipation, imagining what it will feel like when I see you next.

Time with you passes so quickly and so slowly all at once, which leaves me blissfully living in the moment yet disappointed when I realize it’s time for us to part. I find myself intoxicated by every part of you, from your bright smile to your delicate feet.

When you look at me with those eyes, I grow weak at the knees. Each time our lips touch, I melt. I cling to you because I can’t get enough of you. I beg for one more kiss because I can’t pull myself away.

Yet, no matter how euphoric it all seems, I can feel the nagging worries and the unshakable fear of my past stirring inside of me.

I find myself questioning my worth and wondering when you’ll wake up or walk away. I panic when you say nothing, and I quiver when you meet my affections with a seemingly cold shoulder. I convince myself that the feelings aren’t mutual and that I’ve once again given my heart to someone who is incapable of giving theirs to me in return.

What am I doing? How could I be so naive?

But no matter how many red flags I see, nor how many sirens sound inside my head, I can’t ignore my feelings for you. No matter how hard I try, I can’t dismiss them or shake them off.

I told myself I wouldn’t fall this hard again. Yet here I am, already drowning in my feelings, desperately wondering if you’ll ever feel the same.

I spent years chasing after countless men and women, each time thinking I had found the one who would finally fill the empty parts of my soul. Yet every time I started to believe I’d finally found love, I’d start to feel something else instead.

Now here I am, all alone again, picking up the pieces of my heart after yet another failed attempt at love. And as much as I want to discover true love in my lifetime, right now I just want happiness instead.

I want happiness that starts the minute the alarm sounds off each morning. I want to wake up and feel excited about the day ahead. I want to enjoy every minute of my morning, from that first cup of coffee to the way the sun feels on my face.

I don’t want to look at someone next to me in bed and think about the fight we had the night before or how I need to shave my legs. I don’t want to hear the complaints about how I hog the bed or snore while I sip my coffee. I don’t want to wonder if I’m getting a good morning text or if I’ll crumble when I don’t.

I want to curl up on the couch and binge old episodes of Friends or Grey’s Anatomy after a long day of work. I want to cook up something basic or order my favorite comfort foods without asking anyone else if that’s okay. I want to go to bed early or stay up late — whatever makes me happy.

I don’t want to fight over the remote or hear complaints about how my choice shows “seriously lack a plot.” I don’t want to spend an hour slaving away over something in the kitchen only for it to taste “just okay” to an ungrateful partner. I don’t want to wonder when my lover is coming home or spend all night waiting for the phone call that never comes.

Most of all, I want to look in the mirror and not care what I see. I want to feel comfortable in my body no matter where I am. I want to wear the clothing that makes me feel the most authentic so I can embrace my entire being.

I don’t want to worry about impressing potential lovers or keeping up appearances. I don’t want to scrutinize my hair or my curves every time I catch my significant other talking to someone else. I don’t want to give up pieces of myself to fit into the box of what an ideal girlfriend looks like.

I don’t think that I need to love myself before I can love someone else, but I do think that relying on someone else for all of my happiness has caused me to pick terrible partners in the past. So this time, I’m changing the narrative in the story of my life.

Trust me, I want to feel the comfort of a warm embrace and spend my nights laughing with someone by my side, but that’s just not realistic in this moment. I absolutely want love someday, but right now I want happiness so much more.

Meanwhile your life moved on like you didn’t even miss a beat. You literally walked out the door of my life right into the arms of another woman without a moment’s hesitation.

I see pictures of the adventures you go on with your new lover while I sit at home with reruns of my favorite television shows and bottles of alcohol to numb the pain. With every image of you with her that appears in my social media feeds, I feel pieces of my heart shatter as my teardrops hit the floor.

I can tell you’re really content with your new partner, and I’m sure she’s really great. It looks like you two were almost meant for each other in ways that no one else could be. In fact, you seem to finally have everything you ever wanted in life, and I’m no longer the heavy burden that’s holding you down.

But no matter how happy I am for you, it doesn’t take away the pain I feel deep inside my chest. I promise I’m happy for you, but I’m also in agony.

I sacrificed so much for you — I let my hopes and dreams die away so we could build a future together, a future hand in hand. I convinced myself that your love was all I ever needed because your love would keep me safe. But now I’m alone, unprotected, exposed… and nothing but a stamp in the passport of your life.

When I see you look at her, I realize just how naive I was to think that what we had was ever love. The way you laugh with her and care for her confirms those irrational fears I held onto for years and refused to ever believe: You never actually loved me, but you’re completely capable of loving someone else.

I’m not going to lie, it’s exciting to see you smiling and joyful instead of angry and closed off. You’re like a completely different person — like a caged bird who is finally free to sing. You love her, she loves you, and I’m left out in the cold.

Don’t get me wrong: It sucks to be the discarded couch on the side of the road that’s about to end up in a landfill, but I’m not sure that our story was meant to end any other way.

I constantly wonder if I’ve ever really been in love or if I’ll ever find my twin flame. And honestly? I’m somewhat convinced that I won’t, and that really, really stings.

But no matter how much pain I’m in right now, and no matter how hopelessly alone I feel, I’m genuinely happy you found the one your heart was meant to beat for. When I see you with her, I’m in agony… but I’m also happy for you, and that’s the way I’m going to stay.

Yet now I clench my phone all day and night, wondering when you’ll call. I keep hoping for a text message or some sign that you still care. But most days I’m lucky if I even cross your mind enough for you to send me a screenshot or a meme.

We used to talk for hours on end — what happened? Where did I do wrong? I’m filled with so many unanswered questions that it fills my brain with tons of fog.

Despite the lack of communication, I know one thing for sure: I think this time I’ve really lost you, I’ve lost your love for good.

I remember the first time I saw you cry as well as the first time I saw you scream. You told me that I was the only one who ever understood you — I was the only one who you felt safe enough around to be your true self. I held you close so many times while you let all your feelings out as I told you that I’d always be there to help you and love you through those darker days.

But now I spend the majority of my waking hours in a panic, just wondering if you’re alright. I think about all the ways I used to help you not to mention the ways you helped me. But now you refuse to let me into your mind, and I’m left alone in the dark.

You used to tell me everything… Why’d you stop? Did I say or do something wrong? The fear of the unknown consumes me, and I feel useless and unloved.

I may not know how you’re feeling, but I swear that I know this: I’ve lost what we once had for good, I lost my place inside your heart.

I remember the first time you said you love me. My heart soared as it skipped a beat, so how could I forget? You swore that you meant every word you said and that your love was true. I knew at that moment that I’d finally found that special place, somewhere to safely hang my heart.

Yet now all of our conversations fall flat and there’s an awkward silence at the end. I keep hoping that you’ll whisper those three words just one more time, but if I sit and really think about it, I know that you’ve moved on.

You used to love me — but why’d you stop? What did I do to ruin the only good thing that I had?

I’ve been trying not to say it, but deep down I know it’s true: I think I’ve really lost you. I think we’re over, and it’s time I finally admit the truth.

Whenever we’re apart, I walk around with this feeling I can’t seem to shake. It’s like an emptiness inside my chest that I can never really seem to fill. Anytime you wrap your arms around me, though, I suddenly feel full. It doesn’t matter where we connect, be it an embrace out on the sidewalk or some cuddles while we watch TV, it all means the world to me.

I’ve hugged a lot of people throughout my lifetime, but none of them held me quite the way you do. It’s like your arms were always meant for me; I just had to find you. Your arms are like my solace, a sanctuary from the demons in my mind. I don’t know how you do it, but a simple hug from you makes the madness melt away and calms the storm that constantly brews inside.

I’m not sure you even realize how magical your hugs are (although I’m fairly certain you know how much I love them). But honestly? It’s time you knew.

So this is for when I get to hug you again, whether that’s tomorrow or next year:

Thank you for comforting me, protecting me, and keeping me safe and warm. Your arms are my refuge and my home. I can’t think of a better place to rest than wrapped in your embrace.

I know my arms may not always seem as warm and welcoming as yours, but I’ll try my best to keep you safe when they’re around you. I can be your shelter too, and together we can face the world.

The world feels more than a little bit unstable right now, and honestly, I’m barely hanging on. But thinking about all the hugs of our past is keeping me alive. I can’t wait for the moment when I get to hug you again, and I know that I’ll never take your love for granted. If I’m being completely honest, I hope that our next hug can last forever (or at least quite a while) because I never want to let you go.

If you’re looking for the recipe on how to love yourself, I’m going to let you in on a little secret: It’s not as easy as most people want you to believe. After all, you can’t just take a magic pill or sprinkle pixie dust to make your problems go away. But if you’re looking for a way to truly love yourself, you can do a few small things to help you find the path that will lead you there.

If you really want to love yourself, stop putting your needs last. Learn the word “no” and make it part of your vocabulary when others ask too much of you. Listen to your body and give it what it needs. Speak your mind, stand up for what you believe in, and quit selling yourself short.

Although it may feel uncomfortable to be assertive (and you may even feel a little selfish), you’ll soon discover just how great life can really be. When you prioritize what you want and what you need, stress starts to melt away and you become the person you really want to be. The people who were using you often fade away, leaving you with friends who love you and respect your worth. By giving yourself the space that you deserve, you see yourself more clearly — and you’ll love that person more than ever before.

If you’re going to love yourself, you need to focus on what you feed your body and your mind. Find ways to tune out negativity and channel positive vibes. You can also take up yoga or other wellness rituals. If you need a brain break from the world, unplug from social media and curl up with a good book instead. And, of course, see a therapist and a primary care physician to get all aspects of your health in check.

Although it may feel less “convenient” or go against the grain, your overall health and wellness will benefit from these simple changes. When you stop feeding yourself physical and emotional garbage, you feel lighter and more energized. This, in turn, helps you have the time and energy for things like hobbies and a social life. By taking care of your physical and emotional needs, you stop worrying about dying and get busy living. By taking care of yourself in the ways that you deserve, you tell yourself “I matter” and “I’m loved.”

If you really want to love yourself, evaluate yourself from new perspectives. Stop looking through the critical lens of your own mind and see yourself the way others do. Ask others to share what they love about you or look at pictures of yourself as if they’re of another person. Use positive self-talk; don’t criticize your actions.

Although it feels impossible to drop the perfectionistic attitude and dark cloud that follows you around, you need to realize that neither of them serve you. When you stop listening to your own inner critic and adopt a more realistic sense of self, you can accomplish so many new goals. Love will start to grow inside you, which you can eventually share with the rest of your world. You’ll not only love yourself; you’ll help others do it too.

If you’re actually going to love yourself, you have to do it every day. Self-love is just like any other skill – it takes lots and lots of practice. But if you set this new approach aside for even just a moment, you open the flood gate for all of those old, self-destructive habits to re-enter your life. So prioritize yourself entirely: body, mind, and soul, because this is how you love yourself. Entirely. Just the way you are.

Sometimes love impairs our senses and we find the sensations of love so intoxicating that we lose all control. We love the way the relationship makes us feel, and we don’t want that to ever stop. Because we love the physical touch or emotional connection, we ignore things like imbalances of power or less-than-healthy attributes of our partner.

Other times, we can’t bear the idea of living alone, so instead we stay in a relationship well beyond the expiration date. Even when we know deep down that our relationship is causing emotional (and sometimes physical) damage, we hold on for dear life even when other people tell us that it’s time to let go.

Regardless of the specifics of your situation, you’re now at that crossroads, wavering between breaking up or staying together. Something inside of you is screaming that it’s time to go, yet those parts of your soul lost in the relationship cause you to question that inner voice and convince you to stay. So what do you do when you reach that point where you feel conflicted about whether you should stay or you should go?

Although I can’t say what you should do, I can share what worked (and didn’t) for me.

I spent so much time and energy on relationships even after I saw the writing on the wall. I held on for so long—longer than I should have ever stayed. I endured disappointment after disappointment. I experienced severe heartache and emotional pain. Yet every time I reached that crossroads, I could never find the courage to listen to that inner voice and walk away.

But do you know what happened in the end? The relationships inevitably fell apart anyway.

Looking back, I wish that I had listened to those who encouraged me to leave and listened to both my head and my heart. I could have saved myself months (and in some cases, years) of emotional turmoil if I’d only paid attention to the signs. Because even though I often question my own intuition, my gut is usually spot on.

If you see the writing on the wall or even have an inkling of a feeling that something isn’t right, then it’s time to find the courage to break up and move on with your life. If you’re reading this because you can’t decide if it’s time to break up, then it’s probably time to let go. After all, everyone deserves true happiness and unconditional love from their partner—especially someone like you.