Your hands feel foreign, your stomach twisted, your heart weighed down. You are unsure of your next step, dizzy and suddenly terrified to stand back up again.

But this is what you do when you are broken. You pick yourself up, piece by piece. You re-learn the strongest parts of yourself and fight until you break through. You drag yourself forward until your limbs can hold your weight, then you learn to stand up, to walk, to smile again.

You hold yourself together with threads, you distract yourself with things and people that occupy your mind and fill the space around you. You walk, you run, you settle into the rhythm of pounding feet on concrete. You comfort yourself with words and soft blankets and laughter until it no longer feels like you’re pretending.

You may be broken right now, but it will get better.
You may be broken right now, but you are not weak.

You are never weak. Your head has forgotten its capacity to love, to forgive, to hold memories.

Your body has forgotten how to push forward. But you are not this fragile creature that needs to be sheltered, protected, held within a closed fist.

You are not weak. The strongest parts of you are hiding just below the surface, giving you a moment to process. Recharging. The strongest parts of you are building, aligning, bubbling underneath your skin. Waiting for you to believe in them, to set them free.

You are not weak. You do not need to be taken care of. You do not need pity, or gentleness, or someone to carry you, or to hold your hand. You have the strength to stand on your own, the confidence to rebuild, the passion to continue, and the love to forgive.

Though the world may be pulling you down today, though you can’t lift the shadow from your eyes, though you are scared of the future, though you are broken, you are not weak.

So close your eyes, take a deep breath, and silently remind yourself of the person you are, of your incredible strength, and begin to piece yourself together again.

I am twenty-two. And if there’s something the last five months have taught me—as I transition from a college graduate to a full-time employee, as I move out of my parents’ house, as I pay for bills and file my taxes and cook my own meals and navigate a completely unknown future—it’s that it is perfectly okay to be selfish.

To know what I want and what I deserve. To make dreams, tiny and manageable or giant and unrealistic. To lay out plans and wishes and hopes. To get up early, to stay out late, to binge-watch Netflix, to spend all afternoon at the gym, to get drunk on a Monday, to fall asleep before 9PM. To eliminate negative people and surround myself with happiness. To forgive.

Right now is the time in my life to make decisions. For myself. To stop worrying about what my mother, aunt, significant other, best friend in the entire world, or ex thinks about what I’m doing.

The time to let go of my self-hate, my anger, my resentment for others and focus on myself. What makes me happy? What is important to me? What do I want? What do I need?

“Selfish” has always been a dirty word. You are selfish. That means you put yourself first. That means you don’t care about anyone but yourself. But is that such a bad thing?

To be selfish means to know who you are as a person and what you need. It means taking the time to do things that you want to do. It means not changing your plans, your thoughts, your words, your actions, yourself for the sake of someone else. Sure, it means you potentially have the power to hurt others, but this is an unintentional part of the process of becoming you, becoming whole.

To be selfish means to know who you are as a person and what you need. It means taking the time to do things that you want to do.

It is awesome to be selfish. To stop over-thinking, over-analyzing, questioning every decision you make. When you are selfish, you give yourself the opportunity to grow. You do things solely because you feel compelled to. You chase your emotions, you follow what your heart and head are telling you. And most importantly, you do things because you want to, not because you are told.

It is healthy to be selfish. To decide, for yourself, that you want to spend the day exploring nature, napping all afternoon, or partying until 3AM. You allow your mind and your body to connect and do something that you want to do, free of distractions, fears, inhibitions, and regrets.

So as I sit in a quiet library, watching snowflakes press their miniature selves against the windows and wishing for something more, I remind myself that it’s okay to be selfish, to take the world, swallow it whole, and claim it as my own.

If you’re afraid to feel my fingers find their home between the spaces of yours, if you’re scared of the way I put my head softly against your chest, if you’re nervous at how I slowly, but deliberately let myself open to you—then go.

I do not have time for a man who does not appreciate my energy, who does not want to give his energy in return. I do not wish to waste my heart on someone who doesn’t see the passion I have for him, the way I am stepping into our love with no fear.

Love is a terrifyingly beautiful thing—two souls decide to choose one another, to fight, to believe. And I choose you.

But if you’re going to stand there, holding me at arm’s length, if you’re going to watch from a distance as I try to peel back my layers, as I whisper stories from my past, as I reach forward, beckoning you in—then what’s between us will never become anything.

I am so sick of fragile hearts. I’m so tired of the way people push away anything real because they’re too damn scared of falling down. I’m over people standing behind their pain saying they can’t trust because they’ve been hurt before.

I’m so sick of people using their fear as an excuse not to feel.

I want to love, and love fully. I want to give all of me to someone and watch us build an incredible story with our own hands. I want to share pieces of my life, my heart, my soul, and see the man I’ve opened to doing the same in return. I want to be bold, and wild, and take leaps of faith because that’s the foundation of all we could be.

I don’t want to spend my life waiting, wishing for a ‘could be.’

But if you’re not ready to give me the same in return; if you’re not willing to step out for me, to take my hand and be a partner, a lover, a best friend; if you’re not excited about the possibilities, not longing to learn who I am and who we will become; if you’re not going to trust that this will be hard, but worth pursuing anyways—then I’ll show you the door.

If you’re not trying to chase a connection that makes you feel; if you’re standing on the sidelines of your own life, too nervous to acknowledge that the pounding in your chest is real; if you’re making every excuse as to why you’re ‘ill prepared,’ ‘not ready,’ have to ‘wait’—then do us both a favor and walk away.

I don’t want to waste another minute with someone who doesn’t believe, who doesn’t care to try, who doesn’t want to be loved fully, completely, and deeply by me.

I have far too much passion to express, far too much soul to share. I have stories and dreams, excitement and affection that are spilling out of me for the right person. I have kisses and hugs, embraces that will fill every bit of emptiness with light and love.

I have all of my heart to give to someone who’s unafraid to step closer.

But if you don’t want to feel my arms wrapping themselves around your middle, my body pulling closer to yours every night, my kisses on your cheeks, your temple, your shoulder blades; if you don’t want to experience what it means to be loved—really loved—by someone who isn’t scared to share her heart; if you don’t want to break down every obstacle, build a beautiful story—then I wish you the best, but goodbye.

Love is far too beautiful of an emotion to waste on someone who does not wish to feel it pulsing through their veins. And I am destined for far better relationships than one with someone who does not appreciate all that I am willing and ready to give.

(And not because you roll out of bed and wear your pj’s all day.) From casual sweats to a classy blouse, you wear what you feel and you rock it with confidence.

2. Solo shopping is preferred.

A mall date with your girls is always fun, but you’re perfectly okay on your own (if not more productive). You can stroll at your own pace, pick out exactly what you want, get in, try on, and get out.

3. Dressing for a date doesn’t give you anxiety whatsoever.

Just another day, another outfit.

4. You’ve never been one to send a dressing room selfie to the group chat.

You know when you look good. No need for the label of approval, even from the besties.

5. You own several taller-than-all-the-boys pairs of heels.

And you really don’t care, even if they limit your dating prospects. They’re cute heels. And you’re one hot giantess.

6. There’s a certain type of clothing that your friends identify as ‘so you’.

And that’s because you have your own, unique style.

7. You’ve either been accused of ‘bumming it too much’ or ‘making us all look bad’ at least once in your life.

You’re comfortable chillin’ yoga pants and a hoodie when you need a lazy day (or week). And you can doll up and dress up (in 5 min. or less) for multiple days in a row. Haters gonna hate.

8. You’ll wear white all year long, thank you very much.

And Crocs, too.

9. You have at least one completely crappy article of clothing that you totally wear in public.

And that article of clothing (probably sweatpants) is your favorite and super comfy, so who cares if the bottoms are ripped and there’s a hole in the pocket?!

10. You really don’t give a sh*t about what’s ‘hot’ or ‘in’ or ‘trending’ right now.

And you probably never will.

11. You’ll ‘season push’ whatever the hell you feel like.

From shorts when it’s 50 degrees to scarves in the summer. Your world.

12. Your closet varies from sporty to girly to trendy to chill.

You don’t have a set style. You wear what feels good, what makes sense for what you’re doing, and what you like, from floral print dresses to leather jackets and fishnets.

13. You never understood why the whole day-to-night thing is a big deal.

You have no problem strutting your stuff in the same outfit all day (unless it’s a post-workout outfit).

14. You don’t take your outfits (or yourself) too seriously.

Silly hat, Hello Kitty shirt, a pair of overalls—they’re just clothes.

15. You only have one rule for getting dressed.

And the rule is that there aren’t any.

2. He’s the best cuddle buddy. Ever.

3. You’ll be sure to get off your butt at least once a day. Runs, walks, trips to the backyard.

4. He’s a built in, cost effective security system. No need for a man when you have a dog that will fend off any intruders, burglars, or unwanted exes. Clutch.

5. He’s a fellow couch potato. Who better to Netflix and (actually) chill with than your dog?

6. He doesn’t talk back. He won’t pick fights, either.

7. He’s a bed-mate that’s not trying to get in your pants.

8. He will show you unconditional love. Boys suck. Dogs are dependable.

9. He definitely won’t cheat, let alone break your heart. Your furry friend might jump on everyone that walks through your front door or canoodle with a fellow bark-buddy at the park, but you’ll always be his human.

10. Petting cute, soft, fluffy things will instantly raise your mood.

11. No more loneliness. A 24/7 bed-hogging, cover-stealing, food-snatching, leg-tripping companion is way better than a human.

12. You’ll be forced to take care of someone other than yourself. Which means you’ll need to stop being a post-breakup blob and get your life together.

13. He doesn’t require extravagant birthday gifts. Or any other bank-breaking expenses. Just food, vet trips, and treats.

14. You now have a purpose. AKA: Taking care of a dependent animal 100% of the time. (Read: No more laying on the couch feeling sorry for yourself.)

15. He won’t change the channel. Oh, you wanted to watch Gossip Girl re-runs for the third time? So be it.

16. And he won’t demand you watch Sports Center when you’re really feeling MTV. Again, no judgement. Plus your pup will watch with you, curled up with his face in your lap. Bliss.

17. You can now guiltlessly rant, rave, gossip, and pour your heart out. And your dog will listen without interjecting irrelevant comments, texting, or rolling his eyes.

18. He will diligently and patiently sit through your dress-up sessions. And give you his undivided attention as you try on outfit after outfit (as long as you pet him every so often.)

19. Now you have an excuse to buy that adorable hotdog puppy-suit you saw at Walmart. And any other ridiculous costumes that you now have the money and time to buy. Can you say pup Instagram photoshoot?!

20. And he’s the perfect wingman.When you’re ready to be back on the market, your pup’s the solution. Everyone likes a cute girl and a cute dog. There’s no better dude-picker-upper.

Watch two children fight over a toy. One might freak out or completely break down when the toy is stolen but as soon as it’s returned and an apology is given, playtime returns to normal. Even if the child is too young to completely understand the weight of those three, simple words, they still ease the frustration and life continues forward. Those apologies matter.

2. Tomorrow is a new day.

Children have good days…and crazy, tantrum-throwing, feet-pounding days. Each day is different and depends on so many things. (It’s like that for adults too, though on a lesser, more appropriate scale). But even after a bad day, a child will return the next morning with a smile on his/her face and no recollection of the past. Each day brings new happiness and a new opportunity to start over.

3. Sharing is caring.

We can heal when we share—half of our crackers, half of our train set, half of our dirt piles on the playground. Children know this inherently, though they often struggle (as we still do as adults!) But what kids know, innocently and in their tender ways, is that sharing brings more healing than we can imagine. It brings us together, mends our hearts, and shows us that we are not alone in our struggles and fears. And, of course, it gives us someone to play with.

4. Forgiveness holds power.

Children let go. They don’t hold grudges. They don’t remember past anger or hurt or bitterness towards one another. Instead, they circle back to playing, even playing with ones who’ve stolen their favorite cars or pushed them down on the grass. They know what we seem to forget as adults—forgiveness holds incredible power.

5. Sleep is restorative.

A good nap solves everything. And what a nap can’t solve, a decent night’s sleep most definitely can.

6. A good cry is necessary sometimes.

We all face b.s. Yucky-smelling broccoli that we don’t want to eat, our block tower falling down, grass stains on our knees, or, you know, bills that we can’t pay. However big or small, these problems affect us, drive us crazy, and sometimes make us completely lose our cool. But what children can teach us is the power of a good cry. Letting it out helps us release our pent-up emotions, helps us calm down, and helps us make peace with what we can’t control and the strength to change what we can.

7. Distraction can be positive.

Take a screaming child and show them cars passing by the window and they’ll forget all about what was making them upset. Sometimes a little distraction is all we need to get our mind off things that are bugging us. (Yep, this works for adults too.)

8. Hugs can turn an entire day around.

Children hug everyone. Unsolicited, unrestricted, nondiscriminatory hugs. All the time—happy, sad, mad, or in-between. How much better of a world would we have if we hugged like children do?

9. Snuggles with a loved one are necessary sometimes.

A little kid doesn’t always have the best concept of time, which, of course can drive you crazy sometimes. But it’s wonderful when you slow down with them, snuggle up with them, and live in the moment.

10. There’s no such thing as giving up.

Children don’t know when to quit. When it comes to something they can’t understand or do independently, they will pursue it with all the stamina and skill they have, even if they keep failing over and over again. Sometimes this can be exhausted and frustrating, but their naïve persistence is truly admirable.

11. Moving forward is brave and more than enough.

There will be plenty of times in a child’s life (and adult’s) where they reach a roadblock. Whether something small, like not being able to complete a task, or monumental, like family abuse, they will continue forward. Sometimes this is because they don’t know any better, but often it’s because that’s the only thing they know how to do—move forward into the next day, next moment—which is an inspiring lesson for us adults.

12. Frustration is part of the process.

You will get pissed. From not being able to stack your tower of Legos to driving behind a complete idiot on the highway—frustration is normal. Embrace it.

13. Smiles mean more than one may think.

A smile at the start of every morning is what guides that child’s entire day. Smiling lifts spirits, it changes trains of thought and heals broken hearts.

14. ‘I love yous’ should be shared openly.

Children will openly tell you they love you. Even if you’re not related in any way. You can be the teacher they colored with in the afternoon, the girl they shared marbles with at recess, the crossing guard that held their hand at the street corner—it doesn’t matter, they show love. This is a lesson for all of us that we somehow forget in the transition from kid to big kid: Telling others we love them is important, is restorative, is kind, is healing.

Dear God, remind me of your presence, every day, every step.

Wherever I go, wherever I wander, please remind me that you are not just with me, you are within me. Show me that no matter where I wander or what I do that pulls me away from you, you aren’t leaving. Hold me in the palm of your hand; guide my steps, my thoughts, my every day. In the midst of my darkness, please bring me light. In the moments where I am hopeless, show me that you are forever here.

And even when I am exhausted, even when I’ve given up, show me that you will never abandon me. And if I give you my burdens, you will set me free.

Amen.

You walk through your days with your head low, hands balled into fists. Though you try to feign this sense of confidence, you so often fall short. You’ve got it in your mind that you must pretend everything’s alright, put up this façade. So you close your eyes and take deep breaths. You do yoga, go on long walks, eat healthy food. You try to fill your mind with positivity, try to let go. You swallow the world, try to stomach all that doesn’t feel right.

You fill and fill with everything temporary until you’re stuffed, but never satisfied.

You are desperate, so damn desperate to keep going that sometimes you run without even knowing the direction you’re headed. You long just to feel, to understand, to not have the pain weigh down on you anymore. But you’re so lost.

I see you.

I see the way you struggle to keep your head above water, to swim through the current of this life with grace and force. I see how you try to talk to people, to open, to speak without judgment, to laugh instead of cry. But it’s so damn hard. You’re so damn broken.

I see how you keep getting back up, keep believing, keep telling yourself that you will be okay, even in the depths of your mind you barely believe it. I see you.

And I want you to know that God sees you, too.

Even in the depths, the mistakes, the chaos—God notices your pain. God hears your cries. God loves, opens, and longs to pull you closer to Him. I know sometimes it feels like you’re in this alone, like you’re crying out to nothingness, like you’re pushing with no hope to carry you through.

I know sometimes it seems like your prayers will never be answered, like you’re deserving of all that’s gone wrong, or maybe that you’re not deserving at all and He’s just abandoned you without care. But He hasn’t. He’s here.

Sometimes you just won’t feel Him because you’re focused on what’s wrong instead of right. Sometimes you just won’t hear Him because you’re listening to the voice in your own head instead of the truth He’s already set in motion. Sometimes He will be so far, when in reality, He knows every single wish, memory, thought, emotion, wrinkle, curve, and crease of your skin.

You are empty right now—emptied by the broken relationships you’ve been in, by the people who have left, by the way your heart is just so tired of feeling less-than-full. You have been running towards closed doors, trying to fill your body with cheap beer and meaningless kisses, with vices and longings that are merely temporary.

You are running from yourself.

But let God fill your emptiness. Let His love overflow you, overwhelm you.

Let His truth seep into your bones and His promises set your heart on fire. Let your beliefs be strengthened, your hope be renewed. Let your days become bearable, your muscles become stronger, your dreams be restored once again because you are worthy of them. Of love. Of beginning again.

Let God show you how He sees you—a beautiful, imperfect collection of cells that is capable of overcoming every obstacle, with Him by your side.

Let God show you how incredible life can be when you let go and trust Him. When you finally let yourself be filled.

Dear God, give me shelter.

I need a place to rest, to put my burdens down, to find strength and hope and the resolve to begin again. I’m carrying so much baggage. It’s weighing me down, making me feel like no matter what I do or where I go, I will forever have to toss it over my shoulders.

But I’m so sick of feeling heavy.

I want to feel freedom. I want to feel weightless. I want to feel the beauty of starting over, starting new. God, please help me to seek you. Remind me that I don’t have to carry all of this alone. Remind me that when I turn to you, and away from the things of this world, you will remove all of the ache, the weight, and the pain that I’ve convinced myself I deserve. You will cleanse my spirit, refresh my soul, and give me a place to rest before I begin again. Father, that’s what I desire more than anything right now. Please hear my cries.

Amen.

I was in middle school, and our leader was standing up front, his arms gesturing wildly, talking about how every moment of faith shared with us, or shared by us plants a seed—meaning the stories of God’s love we hear from others, or tell others, will take root somewhere in our souls.

And one day, when we least expect, or when we need those stories the most, they will come to us in memory—the seeds of faith growing a foundation within us.

I was fascinated. He went on to ask us whether we’d ever had a moment where we randomly remembered something from our past that comforted us—whether a kind word from a loved one, a verse, a quote. As he talked I thought about how, in some of my moments of frustration, I found calm in thinking of something so random, something I hadn’t even remembered learning.

And how incredible is that?

In that moment I realized the true power of faith. Sometimes we share things with people that seem so inconsequential, but can later make a huge impact. And vice versa. Which means that the things we say, the stories we have, the love we give—that changes people’s hearts. Even if we might not see that change right away.

As people of faith, we have the power to positively influence the world.

When we share our love for God, when we give to others without holding back, when we put our heart out there, we demonstrate the beauty of Christianity. We reflect what it means to love like Jesus. We point people to our Creator. We plant seeds.

There are a few wonderful women who have influenced my life; one, whom I didn’t know would shape me until she was gone. It’s funny because when she was alive we weren’t as close. But now that she’s passed, I hear her voice in my head. When I start to make foolish decisions, I’m reminded of her face. I encounter things and start thinking of her, of the passion she had for Christ, of the way she’s unconsciously shaped me, even though she’s no longer alive.

Her love planted a seed.

When she told me the Bible stories, when she explained her journeys around the world as a missionary, when she chided me for being selfish towards my little sister, at age six I thought it all went over my head. I wasn’t focused on her words; I didn’t take note of her truth.

But now, years later, those seeds have grown. Now, my life has changed because of what she shared with me almost twenty years ago. Those were seeds, planted within me, shaping how I live and love today, and always.

So whether you know it or not, your words have value, your stories carry meaning, your heart brings truth. You may feel like you’re not doing anything of importance, like you’re not making an impact no matter how hard you try—but you are, you will.

Your faith changes lives—lives of family members, friends, strangers who you speak to for a fleeting moment. You can make a difference by talking about your love for Christ, by showing who He is and has the power to be for anyone who accepts Him in.

Though you may feel insignificant, you matter. Though you think your stories are falling on closed ears, they’re heard. Though you’re tired of tying to battle for God in a world that continually pushes Him out, you’re laying a foundation of faith that will surface for that person when the time is right.

Don’t lose hope. Your words, your heart, your shared faith is taking root in a someone’s soul. And in time God will grow something beautiful.