People think the purpose of finding a partner is so that you can stop feeling so lonely, but this isn’t the right mindset if you want them to stay. It’s when you’re most independent that you’re able to really put in the effort to maintaining a successful relationship. You have to be able and willing to be alone before being in a partnership, because there will still be times that you are. Your significant other isn’t there to fill a void. They are there to add more when you’re already whole.

2. Being the one that puts in more effort

There will always be times when your partner puts more effort into you than you into them, but the opposite is true as well. There will be times when you feel they are distant and you have to put in the work to pull them close again. The point is—you both put in the effort to bring each other back into that equilibrium. You put in half the work and so do they. You can’t have them always chasing you or they’ll get tired and you’ll start seeing them fall behind.

3. Being attracted to others without acting on it

Okay, let’s be real. There will always be other people that you find attractive, intelligent, funny, charming—whatever the appeal is, we have to recognize that we can be drawn to others at times when we’re in a relationship. The point is, you have to be able to recognize that it’s just that—an attraction that most likely will fade away over time. It’s also important to recognize the foundation and building of the relationship you are already in, which will be far greater when focused on it, as opposed to jumping from person to person. Yes, there are plenty of fish in the sea, but imagine finding that one fish, out of those billions, you are able to build the most beautiful life with. I suggest you hold onto it.

4. Being vulnerable

If you want to find and maintain a relationship, you have to give in to your feelings. You have to be willing to risk it all and not hold back, because it really is the only way you will gain the affections of the right partner. The wrong ones will be scared. They will run far away from your vulnerability and feelings. Let them. The right one will feel everything that you are feeling and maybe even more. They will feel the ability to open up to you as well—creating the beginning of a blossoming relationship built on passion for one another.

5. Being honest about your flaws

Whether it’s your morning breath, addiction to cigarettes, constant neediness to the other’s touch—you have to be willing to show it all. It’s scary to allow another to see all the flaws you have felt once scared off other partners, but you also have to realize that your flaws make you into the beautiful individual you are. If you didn’t have those unique flaws, you wouldn’t be you. The right partner will understand. They will embrace you, regardless of your terrible breath in the morning, as long as you’re willing to do the same.

6. Being in an argument

There are not a lot of people that can handle confrontation and so they shy away from it. Passive aggression will not find or keep you in a relationship. You have to be willing to disagree, open up and discuss in a healthy way the problems that occur in your relationship. Nobody is perfect, meaning no relationship is perfect either. Talk about the issues that arise, because pushing them aside will only allow them to grow into a potential ending of your relationship altogether.

7. Being open to stepping out of your comfort zone

When finding a partner, you may have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone to get them. There will always be the usual routines of meeting their friends, family and trying out their favorite restaurant. It’s not going to work if you can’t make the effort to step into their lives, as well as show them yours. You and your partner will not have corresponding lives and that’s a good thing. You have the opportunity to learn about the world through their perspective. Take advantage of that.

8. Being patient

Relationships take time and a lot of effort. If you are not willing to stick through the hard times to get to the better ones, then you will find yourself constantly out of a relationship. Don’t give up on the one you love, because they will be there for you as well. It’s more about give and take, but also about pushing through the difficulties in order to strengthen your relationship and making it the best it could possibly be.

9. Being able to make sacrifices

Moving to another state when your partner gets a job, paying for the majority of rent as they get back on their feet, missing out on nights at the club to watch Netflix—there are going to be so many sacrifices that come along with finding and maintaining a successful relationship. The thing is, they may seem like sacrifices at first, but these are the moves and changes you make that determine the strength in you and your partner’s love for one another. It will show the other how much you care and are willing to give up in order to make it work. With the right person, it’ll all be worth it, because the life you live together will always be far greater than the life you leave behind.

2.    Don’t believe everything you read in self-help books. They’re simply guidelines, not the map to your happiness. That is something you create on your own.

3.    If you want to cry in your car on your way to work, then cry in your car on the way to work.

4.    You are doing so much better than you think.

5.    You care so much about what these people think, but what do you think of them? Do you even like them?

6.    You don’t just suddenly love your body when you’re skinny.

7.    He doesn’t know how to love you and it’s not your job to teach him.

8.    We all do bad things—the point is to learn the lessons from doing these bad things. Regretting them does nothing. Apologizing doesn’t mean anything unless you have actually learned from the problem.

9.    You can’t love someone without loving yourself. You can have a relationship, of course. You can be infatuated with someone, but if you don’t love yourself you will never know how to properly love another.

10.  It becomes a problem when you use the substance to fill a void.

11.  Sometimes we have to ignore our minds and listen to our bodies instead.

12.  You don’t have to end up like your parents.

13.  We all have our own strengths. You’re a writer, so don’t compare yourself to a painter. And when you compare yourself to another writer, find inspiration—not criticism.

14.  Your kindness will get you further than anger ever will.

15.  Letting someone walk all over you is a disservice to both you and them.

16.  Write every day and years from now, read it all to see how much you’ve grown.

17.  You can’t force someone to feel something for you. You deserve someone who feels that way all on their own, without you having to convince them.

18.  There will be days that you can’t get out of bed and sometimes it’s better that you don’t.

19.  The more you focus on the negative, the more negative you will see.

20.  Listening to music is a form of meditation.

21.  It’s okay to go at your own pace, as long as you’re still moving.

22.  Let people be miserable. It’s not up to you to alter their moods. Just make sure they don’t alter yours.

23.  Sometimes getting up to shower is the biggest accomplishment you make in a day and that is something to celebrate.

24.  Your flaws make you who you are. Perfect people are boring.

25.  I promise your reality can be just as interesting as the scenarios you make up in your head. You just have to put in the effort to create it that way.

26.  There will be times that your job is boring. There will be times that your relationship is boring. That doesn’t mean you should move onto another job or another person. It takes a personal effort to make the things in your life more interesting.

27.  I’m not here to save you. I’m here to help you save yourself.

28.  People will care if you’re not around.

29.  Other women are not your competition. They are your allies.

30.  Once you accept yourself for who you are, other people’s opinions won’t even matter.

Don’t worry, I see you.

Not only do I see you, but I feel you crawling onto my skin. I feel you sinking into my muscles and clutching onto my bones. I hear your silence in the middle of the night as I wake up after another torturous nightmare and lay with my eyes wide open, until the sun comes out. I taste you in the endless cigarettes you make me inhale until my throat is too dry to have another.

I know that you’re back. I also know that you never actually left. You remained in hiding, just waiting for the moment I’d least expect you to attack. Creeping out while I’m in the midst of falling in love, standing in the middle of a dance floor, or completing a difficult chapter of my life.

You never come when I’m already sad, because that would be a waste of your time.

You always come when it’s most inconvenient. You challenge me when I’m unprepared. You pull me down after I’ve managed to climb mountains.

But, I have been here before.

And even though it has been hard to get up in the morning, I will not let you hold me down under the covers for too long again. I will drag my legs out from my sheets and plop my feet onto the cold hardwood floors. I will take my body that aches for no reason into the kitchen to pour myself a cup of coffee and start writing, even though every word I type seems to lose its meaning. I will still write, even if the message that comes out is darker than the black coffee that sits by me on the table.

And even though you have used food against me in the past, I will still eat. Even when the most decadent food tastes bland and I can’t seem to swallow anything but liquor, I will eat. Even when I have felt as if I’ve eaten far too much, because of the stress you brought upon me, I will still eat the next day.

And even though you whisper sweet words that compels me to stay indoors, I will step outside. The harsh wind will hit my face and make me think of how much warmer I would be in hiding, but I will still remain. Even when the sun is too bright against the darkness you have created in me, I will lift my head up to it and take in every ray of vitamin D to fight against you.

And on the days that you win–the days you keep me locked up in my room as time slips away and unanswered texts bring light to the screen of my phone, I will still try again. For every canceled plan, I’ll make another one. For the wasted hours of napping too long, I’ll start to get up earlier. For every negative thought that lingers in my mind, I will write down a positive one. And for every time I become angry with myself for falling into your trap, I will forgive.

So, I welcome you depression. I welcome you into my life, because every time you have entered it, I have come out stronger than before. Every time I fight against you, I feel it becoming easier and easier.

You may never leave, but I will also never stop fighting. If anything, I will embrace you into my arms and care for you. I will rock you back and forth while telling you everything is going to be okay. I will show you what it is like to be appreciated.

You will begin to see the lack of control you have over me and run off into hiding once again.

For now, I see you. I welcome you back into my life, but don’t think for one second that I won’t be going down without a fight.

He said he called you, but you can’t seem to find the missed call when scrolling through your phone. His words don’t match his actions. He brushes you off whenever you think you caught him in the act. Don’t let his words be louder than your intuition. Most of the time, you’re probably right and he’s just trying to manipulate you into thinking otherwise.

2. He uses your actions as an excuse to act out himself.

Well you did this, so I can do that.Whether you messed up yourself or not, you shouldn’t be with someone who wants to intentionally hurt you back. You shouldn’t want to be with someone who makes you feel badly about the mistakes you have made and already apologized for. He’s trying to put all the blame of your toxic relationship on you, instead of taking some of the fault. Relationships shouldn’t be an eye for an eye and the right partner won’t make you feel worse about messing up.

3. He tells you how much he likes you, but doesn’t fully commit.

This one is pretty obvious. There’s always going to be an excuse for him not to commit to you, but maybe one day he will. This is what causes you to latch on in hopes that the one day will come. He wants you to stay hooked, in order to feel needed by you. This in itself will drive you crazy, because you’ll keep hoping for something that never comes. You’ll keep envisioning that moment in your head and when it keeps being pushed back in reality, you’ll feel crazy. You’ll feel like you’re pressuring him, because he’s already used every excuse in the book. You shouldn’t have to convince someone to be with you. They should commit willingly and full-heartedly.

4. He doesn’t respond to your texts, but is active on social media. 

It’s not that hard for someone to respond saying that they are busy. When a guy is active on his phone and is not responding to you, it means he’s actively ignoring you. This is what messes with your head, because suddenly you’ll start to come up with all these different reasons as to why he’s not keeping in touch. Truth is, he doesn’t want to or else he would. He’s taking advantage of the fact that you’ll still try to contact him, even if he doesn’t put in the effort.

5. He makes snide comments about the things you’re most vulnerable about.

People you become close to will find out your vulnerabilities. The ones that respect and truly love you will never poke at them for fun. If he makes you feel small through use of the things you opened up to him about, he’s trying to make it so he seems better. He wants you to feel small in order for you to work harder at trying to convince him you’re not. You’ll feel as if you need his validation in order to make those comments stop, but they won’t. He’s just toxic and you are plenty worthy. The right people won’t need you to work in order to prove that.

6. He won’t discuss problems within the relationship.

Nothing is wrong. It’s not a big deal. Don’t worry about it. Instead of actually asking about how you feel and asking to further explain your worries, he will cut you short. He will make you feel as if you’re overwhelming him for no reason, when in fact there is a good reason for you to be upset. This is what causes all the issues to build up in your own mind, making you feel crazy. You’re not crazy, he’s just unable to handle a mature, open relationship.

7. He only hangs out with you or talks to you on his own time.

You are his, but he is not yours. You should always be there for him, but when you need him—he is nowhere to be found. You can’t help but want to answer every call and text he sends, even if it’s sparingly, because you’ve been wanting to talk and he’s giving you the opportunity to. But, this in itself is giving him control.

8. He makes grand promises, but he doesn’t follow through with them.

He wants to take you here and there, he wants you to meet his family and friends, he wants you to be part of his life that no one else has seen. It’s all great when the words are spoken to you during intimate moments, but then he leaves and those promises are taken with him. It’s as if he never said them and you feel as if it was all in your head, only for him to come back around to make more empty promises.

9. He doesn’t focus his attention on you when you’re together.

He’s on his phone or wanting to work on something else. He feels distant when you’re sitting right in front of him. We all know relationships take two people and effort. If he can’t manage to even focus on you when you’re right in front of him, he’s not emotionally equipped enough to have a healthy, stable relationship with you. You’re only going to feel alone, despite having a body right next to you. It’s not okay for someone to make you feel this way.

10. He won’t let you leave.

If you try to end things with him and he attempts to hold on, despite all the signs that he’s not ready to commit or be with you, he is toxic. He is trying to keep you as a backup plan and you may feel needed by him in that moment, but it will always go back to how it was. He will fight until he knows he has you once again. You will feel happy for his efforts, only to become disappointed when he doesn’t feel the need to fight anymore. Let him go and don’t let him convince you to come back.

You will apply for every job. All of your dream jobs will pop up on your computer screen, through craigslist and indeed, only to never get a response. You will begin to think that maybe, just maybe, your dream job isn’t meant to be. Then you start applying for coffee shops and juice bars because you need to pay rent.

You will become an artist. Whether it’s doodling to keep your mind centered, or writing your worries out on a blank page—you will not know what else to do with your spare time. Your dream job may be out of reach, but creativity will be everywhere. It will be at the palm of your hands and then you’ll start to think that being an artist is your new beginning.

You will fail as an artist. You will compare your work to others, only to realize your work isn’t as good. You will cry at night, wondering why it is you feel so good creating, but not be good at it. You will throw away your projects. You will put them on pause. You will decide that art just isn’t for you and anyone who tries, is simply out of their mind.

You will drink a lot. You will fill nights with endless laughs and shots, friends and dancing, spending too much money and engaging in one night stands. You will think this is the only way to feel complete satisfaction. You will think life can only be as good as what you do socially because everything else hasn’t quite fallen into place and you need something to feel alive again. You need something and someone to bring you joy, but you will soon start to realize that conversations get dull when all you have in common in drinking. Your one night stands become less passionate. Your energy is too low for another late night.

You will change. You will become an entirely new person, someone who may be pessimistic—when it comes to your future, your friends, or your love life. You will wonder how it was you ever had high hopes to begin with. You will look in the mirror to see someone you can no longer recognize. Maybe you apply on more makeup to cover your tired eyes. Maybe the stubble on your chin is growing out longer than it has before. Maybe your gut starts to grow and you feel heavier than usual. Maybe you don’t like what you see.

Then, you will want to change again.

You will buy a new planner and fill it. You will fill it with words of wisdom, quotes from your favorite writers and goals for the day ahead. You will check off all that you do, and plan to do the rest when you can. You will not overwhelm yourself when things don’t get finished, because you have already learned that pressure only leads to breaking. You keep planning, even when the plans change, even when the plans fail. You won’t give up this time.

You keep looking for work. You enjoy your customer service job, the money it brings you and the people it has introduced you to. You will walk in with a smile and discuss with customers all that you want to do with your life as soon as the opportunities arise. You will see the reasons for being where you are in that moment and take advantage of what you can learn from it.

You will pick up that pen again. You will paint in many colors. You will doodle in your journal and sing in the shower. You will make art, not because you plan to be an artist, but because you are one. You have found that your soul is strengthened, even if you sing off key or misspell words. You know that art saves and heals—that it is something to keep in your life forever.

You will still drink, but maybe not as much. You will know how to have a good time without overdoing it or feeling regretful the next day. You will start taking care of yourself, because you know the only way to truly enjoy life is to be present and healthy in each moment—to be able to dive deep into conversations, into your plans, into the day with a sober mind.

You will change—not back to who you were, but you will find parts of you that went missing during those hard times. You will also find new parts—better parts, stronger parts. All the parts of yourself that have grown through your struggles. You will be more capable, filled with elasticity, strengthened by hope, and powered by determination. You will start to see new opportunities arise—opportunities that you wouldn’t have even imagined when you were sitting in a classroom while taking notes.

You will become more you, over time and with every struggle.

Don’t let the bad times break you down or throw you off course because those are the times you really need to survive in order to live the life you are meant to have.

Just remember that life will never go as planned, but it will always go as it should be.

You tend to see love as a process—a slow build up that should be planned and coordinated so as to work out in your favor. The problem is, love doesn’t always go according to plan. Love can throw you off guard. Love is never what it seems, especially the type of love that lasts for a lifetime. You can’t plan that type of love. It will hit you like a brick when you least expect it.

ISFJ

There may be times that you feel like you are in love with someone, because they acquire all the traits you’ve determined worthy of in a partner. This doesn’t mean that they won’t mess up or that you won’t have to fight for them, or even with them, in order to keep the love you have for each other. Not everything will be harmonious and easygoing, but that’s what will make the love stronger. Love is like a muscle—exercise it right and it will grow.

INFJ

Idealizing can benefit you in your search for love. You tend to put people on a pedestal when you fall for them, which makes them feel as if they can reach a height they couldn’t possibly reach all on their own. The only problem is, you can’t put them on a higher place than your own. You may want to inspire them to be their best selves, but don’t let them think their best self is better than you. Love should illuminate equality between two people. If you give all of your advice, love, inspiration and adoration to someone, then they should be giving it back.

INTJ

Thinking you know someone from the inside out will be your demise when it comes to love. Don’t always expect that you know everything about the person you fall in love with. People are full of surprises and that could be quite spectacular. Love is full of breaking expectations. You never know who or when you’ll fall in love. When you do, you’ll discover all these unique qualities about that other person that you would’ve never found so intriguing or loveable before. Let yourself love their quirky, unexpected traits.

ISTP

Being open about your feelings and thoughts is one of the most beneficial aspects of love. It will create a bond between you and your partner that you have never felt before, but you tend to remain closed off when it comes to discussing your deep thoughts. Realize that they are worth sharing, especially with the one you love. This will feel unnatural at first, but once you open yourself up and begin sharing—you will feel as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.

ISFP

Sharing space and time and even a bed is crucial in the act of love. Sharing your thoughts, feelings, opinions and knowledge is also crucial in the act of love. Don’t let the terror of losing your independence or alone time stop you from falling in love. If it’s the right person, you won’t feel like you’re missing out on anything. If anything, you will feel like you’re gaining so much more than when you are on your own.

INFP

Love will not always be how you imagined it to be. In fact, it might be the complete opposite. You may think love only exists in fairy tales or that there must be a dramatic rise and fall to every relationship, but this is not true. Love can be stable, steady and at sometimes even boring. The point is to get through these times in order to maintain a relationship that will actually help you grow as an individual, instead of just being a way to entertain your imagination.

INTP

In order to find and be in love, you must look up and reach out to others. You have to be open to breaking out of your shell and doing things that may push you out of your comfort zone. Love will initiate fear, mostly because it is a feeling you can’t plan or explain through logic. It will break you open, in both your mind and heart. It will challenge you to think differently, to feel differently and to be different. Let this happen.

ESTP

Love will not happen immediately. It will take plenty of time and patience. Maybe the love of your life is already standing in front of you, but you are unaware because there wasn’t an immediate spark or connection. Over time, you will realize that feelings can grow for someone you may have never expected them to. This is what makes love so magical. It happens gradually and unknowingly. Once you realize this, it will change everything you have ever known or thought to believe was love.

ESFP

You know how to put yourself out there and how to find love. The only problem is—you tend to find it in someone and attempt to alter your life around them, so as to have them love you in return. You do not need to alter yourself to make someone love you. Love will make you more of who you are, not less. When you find the right person, they will bring out all your best qualities to help you grow into the person you were always meant to be. It’ll feel right and not as if you have to force things.

ENFP

You have the biggest heart. You want to give and spread your love to just about anyone you meet and that sometimes leads to heartache. It’s okay to be vulnerable, but not everyone deserves your vulnerability. Even if they may seem like the ideal partner, you have to understand that not everyone is as they seem. Love isn’t always found in the person you’ve always imagined it would be. It isn’t always going to be the man and woman of your dreams. It’s not always going to be the tall, dark handsome stranger at a coffee shop or the beautiful blonde at work. The beauty of love is found when you get to know someone on a deeper level over time. It’s not always going to be love at first sight.

ENTP

Love entails patience and commitment. It doesn’t just come to you when you are ready and willing to take it. This means you have to fight and work a little in order to achieve a relationship. When you are in love, you don’t give up when things start to get boring or your partner is having an off day. You find ways to make it exciting again, or you cheer them up with their favorite foods. This is what makes it a relationship, because when you fight for them, they will fight for you in return.

ESTJ

Not everyone will be on the same wavelength as you. You are hardworking, dedicated, committed and straightforward, which are all great qualities to have, but not everyone is going to be able to keep up. Love will cause you to slow down and think about your significant other. Maybe, you’ll have to allow them to catch up to you once in a while. This doesn’t mean you have to change or become less of who you are. It’s a matter of teaching them, so they can finally match up to your capabilities. You never know—they might have some things to teach you as well.

ESFJ

Love means giving all that you are to another person, but that doesn’t mean you can’t give the same to yourself. You always have to put yourself first in order to maintain a healthy, stable relationship. You have to make sure you are taking care of you, your mental and physical health, along with your emotions in order to truly satisfy another. You are important and your partner will see that. The right person will want you to take care of yourself before them.

ENFJ

You excel in putting your loved ones before you and leading them in the right path to becoming the best versions of themselves. This is beneficial to love, but there are going to be times when your partner doesn’t want to be taken care of. Maybe, they just want to take care of you for once. Maybe, they have the skills you don’t have to complete a task or figure out a problem you’ve been working on. Love is when two people work together. Your partner should be there for you just as much as you are for them.

ENTJ

You really do think you know everything there is to know about love. To a certain extent, your knowledge has helped you dodge a lot of potential failed relationships. Your quick to say no to someone that doesn’t seem worthy. This is great. The only problem is that love can’t be figured out and dissected with the power of knowledge, no matter how badly we want it to be. Love is unexplainable. We fall for the most random people and at the most seemingly inconvenient times, but once it happens—we realize it was actually the right person and the perfect time to find them. It will all make sense, eventually.

I will no longer be needy when it comes to love.

I will not triple text you when you don’t respond. I will not call back when you hang up on me. I will not ask for you to come over when you say that you’re busy. I will not cry and wait around when you can’t follow through with plans. I will not chase after you when you leave in anger. I will not beg for you to stay with me if you decide to leave.

I understand that relationships take work, but this work should consist of compromise—not the compromise of your self-worth.

If someone does not see your worth, you shouldn’t have to take the time to prove it to them. Because, if someone truly wants you, you won’t have to beg. If someone wants to be with you, you won’t even have to ask for their attention.

You shouldn’t feel like you’re being needy in the relationship.

They should be there. They should match your effort.

And just like those people who stay, you need to recognize your own worth.

Do not let it be belittled in the hands of someone that does not deserve it. It can be crushed and squeezed into the size of a pebble, to be placed in the pocket of someone who keeps it handy for when they can use it to their advantage.

Do not allow that.

Your worth is not a pebble.

It is a comet as large as the sun that can’t be carried around for their convenience. It is to be admired from afar by the right people and feared by all of the wrong ones.

Once you’re aware of this—all that you are and all that you deserve—it’ll be that much easier to let go of someone who requires you to try too hard to gain their affection.

If someone declares their love for you, they need to show it through their actions, as well as their words. If they seem like they’re losing interest or start to play games with your mind to keep you wanting, to keep you needing, then what you really need to do is walk away.

Otherwise, they will start to think that you will always remain, even if they start to look other ways.

This will no longer suffice for me.

If they look away, then they are also taking away my ability to see their worth in my life, but I will always see mine.

If they want to be with someone else, I will let them. I will not waste my strength to pull them away from what their heart desires, even if it’s a temporary lust—even if it’s not me.

All I have to do is look down at myself in order to be reminded of what they’re missing out on.

I may wish for them to see it, but I won’t spend my time trying to show them.

It’s not okay for someone to make you feel like you have to try harder or act differently in order to have them look your way.

It’s not a healthy relationship if they start making you feel needy or start making you feel as if you’re a nuisance, instead of the love of their lives. They are trying to make it so they mean more to you than you mean to them. They are trying to crush and make small all that it is that makes you big.

Don’t ever let someone succeed in the attempt to make you need them. People don’t need another’s attention, especially when it’s conditional and inconsistent.

It’s so much more worth it to spend time on the ones who stay, the ones who commit to a deeper connection, the ones that stay consistent and don’t make you feel like you must fight to keep them in your life.

So, I release my desire to need someone that doesn’t treat me the way I deserve. I may want you, but I will never need you. I may love you, but if you challenge me into fighting for your affection, I will back out immediately. I will not fight for someone who doesn’t fight with me, because real love is when you fight together. Real love is not something you feel like you need to strive for, but something that comes naturally.

And that is why I will no longer be needy when it comes to love.

ISTJ

You should have learned that when life doesn’t go the way you have planned, it can actually turn out for the better.

ISFJ

You should have learned what it means to stand up for yourself, even up against those that you love and admire.

INFJ

You should have learned that you can only really rely on yourself to accomplish what it takes to achieve your dreams.

INTJ

You should have learned that you can’t control or predict the actions of others around you, but the ones meant to be in your life will already act accordingly.

ISTP

You should have learned the importance of not only having family support and love you, but accepting it willingly into your life when you know you need it.

ISFP

You should have learned what it means to plan ahead for your future and how satisfying it feels when those plans start falling into place.

INFP

You should have learned how to deal with and accept the changes that happen in life when it doesn’t match up to what you’ve always imagined it to be.

INTP

You should have learned how to calm yourself of all your thoughts and meditate—to sit there with nothing and no one to distract you from focusing on just your breathing.

ESTP

You should have learned how to go against your impulses and really think about your choices before making them.

ESFP

You should have learned how to take a break from making sure everyone is happy and stop to think about what makes you happy instead.

ENFP

You should have learned that searching for a deeper meaning as to why things happen doesn’t always make the situation better and that maybe just letting it go to move on to the next part of your life will actually be the better choice.

ENTP

You should have learned that expressing everything off the top of your head could lead you to trouble, but thinking about what you say before you say it might actually help your argument instead of turning people away.

ESTJ

You should have learned that a strong value of yours may have to be changed, but that doesn’t make you inconsistent or unreliable—you have simply discovered a better way to live.

ESFJ

You should have learned that making everything look good in the eyes of others, doesn’t mean it’s going to feel good to you.

ENFJ

You should have learned that your optimism and positivity won’t always make the others around you feel the same, but to never let them take that away from you.

ENTJ

You should have learned that you don’t have to constantly be achieving success in order to be happy and the real joy in life is found in the littles things, like the smell of blooming flowers and the feeling of waves brushing up against your skin.

TCID: jordan-lueder

2. You have far more important things in life to worry about other than why they won’t text you back.

3. Know your worth and realize that you don’t need someone who doesn’t.

4. There is someone out there who will never want to stop talking to you.

5. Communication is key to any relationship and they are already failing miserably at it.

6. They are the ones missing out.

7. You can’t make someone want you, but you can find someone who openly and willingly shows you that they already do.

8. They don’t deserve you and you deserve better.

9. They are not ready for you or a relationship and you are not responsible for changing that.

10. While you have the power of expressing your feelings and emotions, they are unable to communicate theirs.

11. There is always a reason behind someone’s actions that have more to do with them than it has to do with you, so don’t take it so personally.

12. Be honest with yourself about whether or not this person is really worth the trouble.

13. Ask yourself if this really is the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with or if you’re just hurt because they disrespected you.

14. There are so many people out there that will respect you and you should be focused on them instead of grieving over some ass hole.

15. Don’t get attached to someone so detached.

16. Give up on them, but don’t give up on finding love for yourself.

17. Let them go.

18. You are perfect just as you are and you don’t need to change yourself based off of someone too blind to see that.

19. You will never need to chase the person that is meant to be in your life.

20. Do not try to get in contact with them again.

21. Just because time will pass and you will change, doesn’t mean they will change their minds about you.

22. They didn’t make even the smallest effort in ending the relationship with you before, so how could they handle the efforts of a healthy relationship that you truly deserve?

23. Don’t hold on to the what ifs and the maybes.

24. Focus on loving yourself, on your career, on your friends, on your family, and on all the other things that matter more than this one person.

25. You should never have to try and convince someone to be with you.

26. Don’t waste your time trying to figure out why someone doesn’t want you, but ask yourself why you would ever want someone that doesn’t want you.

27. Not everyone can handle your intensity and the people who can will be far greater than those who can’t.

28. You can’t control another person, but you can control how you react to them.

29. You will always scare off those who are not strong enough for you.

30. Do not place your worth in the hands of another, because it will always be too much for them to carry.

We see others gaining more followers, more likes, and more friends based off of what we see in their posts—an edited image of who they really are, a highlight of their best assets and a concealing of any flaws they may have.

We care so much about whether or not someone likes us, because we can actually see the numbers add up in front of our eyes.

Not only that, but it’s a natural instinct to want others to accept us. Whether or not it’s through the use of a screen, we still feel compelled to care what others think—of our looks, our personalities, our success.

So, we try hard to gain as much affection from the people around us and question what aspects of ourselves we need to change in order for that to happen.

The problem with this is that we forget to ask whether or not we even like these other people or whether or not we even like ourselves when we are with them. We start doing everything in our power to get others to like us, rather than working towards just liking ourselves.

In the end, you are the one faced with the person you have worked so hard to be. This is why we need to learn to stop giving a damn about what other people think.

Not giving a damn about what other people think means to give a damn what you think. It means acknowledging your own feelings and placing worth on them, instead of wondering so much about what others feel—which you can never quite determine anyway.

It means recognizing your own greatness, a greatness that others may not see, and accepting it for what it is. We all have a place in this world and if you feel as if others are judging you and making you feel less than what you deserve, then that is not your place and you need to leave.

In order to stop giving a damn what other people think, you have to refocus your goals and come to the conclusion that not everyone is going to fit into your plan towards success. Are they helping you grow? Are they influencing you to be a better person? Or, do they just point out your insecurities and make you feel bad about yourself?

Your life shouldn’t be about pleasing others. It should be about finding your purpose in life and following it. Which, in a way, will actually cause those around you to feel quite uncomfortable—especially those who don’t quite know what they’re doing themselves. You will chase them away with your self-awareness and passion because they are not strong enough to admit they haven’t found theirs. Don’t let their opinions pull you down to their level.

By being yourself, instead of what others expect of you, you attract what’s really meant for you—not only in relationships but in life. You’ll start to see that your cubicle is suddenly too confining of a space or the image you’ve been painting of yourself is actually constructed by hands that are not yours.

If anything, when you don’t give a damn about what others think, you start to attract those who have also found their way and that have decided to no longer put energy into pleasing others. You will work together on the important things—saving the world, creating an enterprise, falling in love, expanding your knowledge, taking care of yourself.

When you focus on these goals, the judgmental voices of others seem to quiet down, because the voice in your head becomes stronger and more powerful.

You suddenly know what it is you are doing and why, causing the opinions of others not to even matter.

There’s more of you that the world has to see and you can’t let anyone take that away from you. Whether you’re goofy or wild or too different, this is actually what the world needs.

Don’t belittle yourself. Don’t tell yourself to calm down. Don’t be tamed. You are made of all these unique experiences, collective thoughts overtime, a meeting of atoms—each one bonded specifically to make up the individual that you are. Can you imagine trying to force yourself to be like another? It won’t work. It will start retracting, repelling all that’s meant for you away because every ounce of your body will know you are not exposing the reality of who you are. And that feeling is far worse than having someone dislike you.

You have a purpose—one that is far greater than making others like you. Once you realize this, it makes it much easier to not give a damn what they think.